Caffeine Abuse

It’s not a problem, everyone drinks it. Some drink it more than others.

It’s a huge part of our culture. People I see everyday don’t see it as a problem.

Only I acknowledge it as a potential problem.

 

I’m drinking 7 large ice coffees and 4 litters of soda in a week. The coffee is because I like it. The soda is because I feel tired or miserable. I use it to give me a high after I have been working out or doing work for hours.

I know it is bad. There is really nothing I can do. I can’t stop. It makes me wonder what the future will hold, like I’ll become an alcoholic or something if I have the money and easy access to it. I know once I start drinking, I can’t stop. I drink to get drunk — like I drink caffeine to get a high.

When I try to quit, I just go right back. My head hurts, I’m exhausted and miserable. I try to replace it with non-caffeinated soda or tea. That does nothing, I don’t like it. I am set in my ways. I go back to my ways.

If I could get professional help I would. That costs time and money which I don’t have. What I can do is at least try to control my impulses and energy. I can’t say I’m going to stop or drink less because I am compulsive. I need to find a way not to lose my mind and annoy everyone else around me when I am withdrawing.

Yet, nobody sees me withdrawing. Nobody sees me period.

 

This is an invisible illness.

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