Eat more until your stomach hurts.
Drink as much as it takes to forget your name.
Goggle, “Chubby Dick.”
Drink more, you obviously didn’t drink enough.
Just don’t get herpes or pregnant… you will die.
Get new earphones so you won’t go deaf.
Only a problem when your legs hurt during sex.
Be a narcissist. If you’re into yourself, you have no problem.
Eat more until you want to throw up.
Just. Don’t. Twerk.
…And this is why my career as a Psychologist never started.