I just came home, don’t talk to me
Especially joke. Chances are I’m hungry, tired, or miserable. If I was happy, you would know it — then and only then say whatever you want.
I can tell you’re looking at me
I get it, it’s normal to look at someone if they appear somewhat attractive, interesting, or weird. You could at least not make it obvious you are looking.
If I don’t laugh, I don’t think you’re funny
Just strange or annoying.
I can’t look you in the eye
I’m telling you what you want to hear to get you off my back. I’m clearly not interested.
If I laugh, I might like you
I’m not going to make the next move, it’s up to you.
If I have another man, it shouldn’t stop you
Just because I have a man doesn’t mean I’m going to stay with him forever. There is nothing wrong with us talking, it’s not like we are going to have sex.
I didn’t ‘fix’ myself for you
My hair looks good. My clothes look good. I didn’t do it for you, boo. I’m either going somewhere and/or did it for the hell of it — because that is how I am.