Why I can’t be an Astrologer

I know nothing about the planets, science, or math.

 

My astrology forecast would look like this…

9PM: Sorry I couldn’t send this message sooner… There is full moon and stars shinning bright in the sky. I’m guessing the moon is in Taurus because the sun is in Taurus. It means, you are going to want to binge eat soon.

 

“He is an Aries, I am a Pisces. Should we date?”

My response: “I don’t care, date whoever you want. There is more to astrology then the sun sign.”

 

“I am a Pisces, he is a Libra.”

“You care what his sign is? So you’re more emotional and he is more detached. Good luck.”

 

How to read horoscopes…

 

Today you are going to win a lot of money.

What, you didn’t win money? That’s because Jupiter started acting stupid.

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