Job interview questions

“Why do you want to work for us?”
The money tree still isn’t growing.

“Why did you leave your last job?”
Old people harassing me. Okay… It was really a temporary job which meant ‘dump you whenever, bitch’.

“What did you learn in college that will help you with this job?”
When I’m pissed off, I’ll write about it and post it on the internet. Don’t worry, I won’t provide your name until I get published.

“Can you do a background check and drug test?”
I can but it’s a waste of time. You should ask me to do a pregnancy or STD test.

“What other qualifications do you have for this position?”
None. I was hoping you were dumb enough to hire me.

“What are your salary requirements?”
MONEY.

“When are you available to start?”
After I take a piss.

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