When I was

1
My mother dressed me in pink because it made me happy.

2
I drank my father’s beer thinking it was Pepsi.

3
I pushed a boy off his bike because my oldest sister told me too.

4
A boy kissed me and I thought I was pregnant.

5
I fell asleep on the bus and missed my stop — on my birthday.

6
I told someone in class, “I make my barbies have sex” and she ratted on me — I still thought sex was kissing.

7
My best friend’s last name was Lemonhart.

8
I learned how to swim.

9
“Hey Arnold” came out, I liked Helga because she reminded me of me.

10
I danced “Opps I did it again” in a talent show.

11
I vandalized a park with toilet paper, broke a fountain, and had an angry mob chase after me and my friend.

12
Dealt with being the new kid in school and questioned why I pretended to like someone I didn’t like.

13
I had the first boy to cheat on me and the first boy I’d have to dump.

14
I ran track, I hate it, and everyone hated me; I was slow and they mocked me for being fat and ugly.

15
I thought I liked some asshole from middle school.

16
Became anorexic.

17
First real kiss but with someone I met online from Argentina.

18
Got drunk, danced around a fire, and attempted to go skinny dipping with my clothes on.

19
I had a purity ring, which I lost.

20
I had sex with a virgin in a hotel.

21
I slept with two guys named Chris.

22
The first date with my boyfriend, he told me loved me and I called him crazy.

23
I smashed my laptop writing an Archaeology paper and decided to major in Creative Writing instead of Anthropology.

24
Developed my ice coffee addiction, 3 a day and back seat of car full of cups.

25
My mother was diagnosed with cancer.

26
I got another pregnancy scare…

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