The contract

You are free to do what you please if you abide by these rules:

 

1. Give me money I don’t really need to pay off a loan.

2. Only talk to me during specific times, I can’t be bothered by your nonsense unless it involves money.

3. No talking or looking at the opposite sex unless it involves work.

4. The opposite sex can’t talk or look at you because I will kick his ass.

5. If you cheat on me, I’ll either end it or get even.

6. You have to pay attention to me when I want it or I’ll get mad.

7. Don’t bother me with what goes on in your life.

8. Don’t talk about emotions.

9. Follow these rules or I’ll threaten divorce.

10. If you want a divorce, find a place to live and I’ll send the papers.

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