Crazy Ex saga cont.

Text messages

 

Him
Hey

 

Him
Hey, how it’s going?

 

Him
Hi

 

Him
?

 

Him
Sandra

 

I ignore and delete all the messages, I’m 2-3 hours away with my boyfriend.

 

Him
How is your day going?

 

Him
Hey

 

Him
Hi, how are you?

 
Him
Hey

 
I ignore and delete all the messages. He has no idea that I left nor came back from my trip or so I think.
 

A piece of metal magically appears in the tire in the morning, someone did it over night. It had to be him, he was the one who pointed out a screw in the tire and marked it red in the summer time. Had I caught him or had evidence it was him, I’d go after him for that and other things. He can’t take no for an answer and if you ignore him, he tries to destroy you. The true image of an abuser and psychopath.

Honestly answering an Ex’s questions

Why didn’t you respond to my text?
You texted me? I blocked your cell phone number.

 

Did you miss me?
I miss the sex, I don’t miss you so much.

 

Do you love me?
I loved you but I don’t anymore. Okay, maybe I do love you. Not in the sense I want to marry you, in the sense I don’t want to hurt you.

 

Would you consider getting back with me?
No, yes, no, yes, no. It depends, are you still flirting with/screwing everyone you see?

 

Why did you break up with me?
I was still in love with my ex boyfriend.

 

You loved your ex more than you loved me?
Yes. I mean, we’ve been together for four years.

 

So you choose him over me?
Yes.

 

Will you go out with me?
Maybe if I was single.

 

Why did you make it difficult to see me when you were single?
I knew you only wanted to see me to have sex and I had a million other things going on my in my life. The last thing I wanted to be was some guy’s booty call.

 
 

Conversation with an Ex

Went like this…

 
 

Him
Hey

 

Me
Hey?

 

Him
You deleted my number?

 

Me
A long time ago

 

Him
I want to see you, it’s been awhile

 

Me
I have a boyfriend

 

Him
So he doesn’t have to know, we can just hangout

 

Me
I’m good I’m not a cheat and I don’t play that game

 

Him
But he doesn’t treat you well

 

Me
Better than you and you don’t know him

 

Him
Give me a chance this time we will go places and do more things

 

Me
You had your chance

 

Him
I miss you and your tight pussy

 

Me
It’s all about sex with you

 

Him
I want to be more

 

Me
What? You love me? You’ve been persistent in contacting me every single day though I blocked your number

 

Him
You’re good

 

Me
In terms of?

 

Him
Everything

 

Me

 

Him
You miss me?

 

Me
No I don’t love you and you don’t really love me either

 

Him
Yeah, let’s make it more

 

Me
I don’t know about that

 

Him
I miss fucking you

 

Me
Find a whore or blowup doll

Really Awkward

Guy

Do you love me?

 

Girl

I don’t know what love is.

 

Guy

How much you love me?

 

Girl

I don’t know, how much do you love me?

 

Guy

A little.

 

Later…

 
 

Girl

It was really awkward.

 

Girl’s friend

Why?

 

Girl

I don’t love him.

 

Girl’s friend

Why didn’t you just tell him that?

 

Girl

Maybe I will next time I see him.

 

Girl’s friend

Why are you going to see someone you don’t love?

 

Girl

He’s good in bed.

 
 

Moral of the story: See someone you don’t love because they’re good in bed?

Job interview questions

“Why do you want to work for us?”
The money tree still isn’t growing.

“Why did you leave your last job?”
Old people harassing me. Okay… It was really a temporary job which meant ‘dump you whenever, bitch’.

“What did you learn in college that will help you with this job?”
When I’m pissed off, I’ll write about it and post it on the internet. Don’t worry, I won’t provide your name until I get published.

“Can you do a background check and drug test?”
I can but it’s a waste of time. You should ask me to do a pregnancy or STD test.

“What other qualifications do you have for this position?”
None. I was hoping you were dumb enough to hire me.

“What are your salary requirements?”
MONEY.

“When are you available to start?”
After I take a piss.

Questions you shouldn’t ask

INT. LIVING ROOM — DAY

GIRL (20s) and GUY (20s) sit on the couch in front of the television. Guy takes out his cell phone and strolls through his text messages. Girl looks at him furiously.

GIRL

Who are you texting?

GUY

My sister.

GIRL

Thought you said you don’t have a sister?

GUY

Right, it’s my mother.

GIRL

You said your mother is dead.

GUY

Fuck.

GIRL

YOU.

CUT TO:

EXT. PARK — DAY
Guy and Girl sit on the beach. Kids behind them LAUGH and SCREAM. They stare at each other.

GUY

What were you doing last night?

GIRL

I told you, I was working.

GUY

Then why were you posting Facebook status’ at 4am?

GIRL

I wasn’t! Check the time.

Guy moves closer to Girl. His face turns red, his eyes water.

GUY

Don’t need too, I know you were out with him. Why don’t you admit it!?

Girl backs away from Guy.

GIRL

With who? My brother.

GUY

Your ex. If not, why are you still talking to him?

GIRL

Why are you going through my text messages?

GUY

It couldn’t be because you cheated on me once.

GIRL

You’re dumb.

Girl gets up and walks away.

Questioning a “Creative Writer”

What are you writing about?
I’m writing about mirrors.

 

What’s next drugs?
Already did. Right now I’m writing a screen script with an alcoholic/pot head.

 

You’re messed up.
I know, and you aren’t?

 

I’m special — there’s a difference. What’s your excuse?
Shitting your pants doesn’t count as “special”.

 

It takes a lot of talent.
I bet it does.

 

What else do you do?
I workout. I dance. I run. I paint. I take pictures. What am I supposed to do? Sit around on my laptop all day?

 

That’s what writers do.
Maybe the very sad, lonely ones.

 

That’s when you start to take drinking up.
Why bother?

 

I don’t know. You should. Maybe you would be more social.
How is that social?

 

Go to bars, see people.
I do that already. I’m fine —

 

You need —
I don’t need anything.

 

Bullshit.
I just want to be happy.

 

Yeah, okay.
Whatever.

Interview Questions

Tell me about yourself? What are your hobbies, interests, and abilities?

Uhm…
Is drinking a lot of coffee a sport? If It is, I’m almost a professional coffee drinker.

Interests. I need to bomb everything with color — or make myself go almost deaf with awful pop music.

Abilities. Did I mention I’m really good at swearing? I could almost be a fucking professional in running my fucking mouth.Why the fuck can’t I do that with my fucking life? Fuck me. I’m fucking fucked.

 

Are you able to lift 50+ pounds?

Of what?
If you’re talking about heads and people, I can do that — in my mind. I’m not superman.

 

Tell me about your past work experience?

When I was twenty-one I sent nude pictures to Playboy.

 

Have you ever convicted a crime/felony?

Relationships causalities? Oh yeah. I was a little whore.

 

Why do you want to work for us?

I need money. I don’t feel like taking my clothes off in front of a camera, though it is an option…