Completing drafts

I don’t
give a fuck

 

If I write a poem for my boyfriend
it’d be a simple “I love you” note
on a plate of brownies
’cause I know my man
he don’t want no poem
and won’t read it

 

Why my writing
sucks?
I spit it out

 

The love of my life
is Starbucks
coffee frappuccino
with coconut milk

 

Drive by agent
drives by my house
to see if I’m there
passes by me
on my way to town
makes it look like
he’s doing his job
not stalking me
but he is
he wouldn’t say a word
to me, hasn’t in years
he watches and follows me
when I drive

 

What I learned from 90s shows
It’s okay to kiss other people if you’re in a relationship, you’re going to marry your boyfriend/girlfriend anyway. -Boy meets world. Television sucks, it gives you dreams and situations that will never happen.

 

Signs your girlfriend hates you
she ignores you
your nickname is asshole, douchebag, jackass, moron, dumbass, etc
she texts other guys
she is sleeping with other guys or thinking about it
you get pity and drunk sex
she’s bored

Smalle is back

He looks at me
like I haven’t
seen you in forever
you look good
I want to bang you
you want to bang me?

I just keep walking
why don’t you want me?
is it because I blocked and unblocked you?
you were cheating on me
you thought I was doing something
is it because I sucked in bed?
you liked it

Yeah, I wanted you
but it never would have gotten anywhere
I didn’t love you like I loved him

You could have

Some things aren’t meant to be
I know but why do I still want you?
tell me, do you still want me too?

Sexually, we’ve always had a strong attraction
but I cannot
why not?
it’s playing with fire

When you refuse birth control

Doctor
What form of birth control are you using?

 

You
None.

 

Doctor
You don’t use condoms, the pill, or patch?

 

You
(hesitates)
Condoms.

 

Doctor
You got a girlfriend, boyfriend?

 

You
(laugh)
No girlfriend, boyfriend.

 

Doctor
You never know these days.

 

You wonder why the hell the doctor assumed you were gay because you denied birth control. I mean, maybe you don’t have sex, physically can’t get pregnant, or prefer the withdrawal method? Whatever. It wouldn’t be the doctor’s business either way. You didn’t go to the doctors to discuss/get on birth control. But because it was a checkup and you’re a woman, you get asked about it. If you were a man, you wouldn’t.

Missed connection

I never met someone as big as a douchebag as you. You live in a yellow cardboard box shaped house in the middle of nowhere. You go to the bar alone or with co-workers to join the rest of the townies in your area. When we first met you lied about your age. I thought you were four years older than me but you were actually eight. I figured that out when I saw your drivers license on your dresser. You said you lied your age when you were younger to get land and other benefits. You got older and lied so you can get dates with younger women because you had no intention to settle down. Of course, you lied and say you did. You broke up with me a couple of times because you wanted a ‘housewife’ and it wasn’t me. The entire time you were fucking other people and on other dating websites. You used that as excuse to go about your business. I returned the favor and joined other websites. I downgraded you as a fuck buddy as well. I found someone else and forgot about you. Or so, I thought. I miss the fun we had together, no one else was a big douchebag as you. You broke up with me the last time because I spilled your beer and didn’t clean it up. If you’re in the area and happen to see me walking on the street, don’t pull over and ask me what’s up or if I want to see you later like you have once. I mean, I said I loved someone else. Why would it be any different?

When I was

1
My mother dressed me in pink because it made me happy.

2
I drank my father’s beer thinking it was Pepsi.

3
I pushed a boy off his bike because my oldest sister told me too.

4
A boy kissed me and I thought I was pregnant.

5
I fell asleep on the bus and missed my stop — on my birthday.

6
I told someone in class, “I make my barbies have sex” and she ratted on me — I still thought sex was kissing.

7
My best friend’s last name was Lemonhart.

8
I learned how to swim.

9
“Hey Arnold” came out, I liked Helga because she reminded me of me.

10
I danced “Opps I did it again” in a talent show.

11
I vandalized a park with toilet paper, broke a fountain, and had an angry mob chase after me and my friend.

12
Dealt with being the new kid in school and questioned why I pretended to like someone I didn’t like.

13
I had the first boy to cheat on me and the first boy I’d have to dump.

14
I ran track, I hate it, and everyone hated me; I was slow and they mocked me for being fat and ugly.

15
I thought I liked some asshole from middle school.

16
Became anorexic.

17
First real kiss but with someone I met online from Argentina.

18
Got drunk, danced around a fire, and attempted to go skinny dipping with my clothes on.

19
I had a purity ring, which I lost.

20
I had sex with a virgin in a hotel.

21
I slept with two guys named Chris.

22
The first date with my boyfriend, he told me loved me and I called him crazy.

23
I smashed my laptop writing an Archaeology paper and decided to major in Creative Writing instead of Anthropology.

24
Developed my ice coffee addiction, 3 a day and back seat of car full of cups.

25
My mother was diagnosed with cancer.

26
I got another pregnancy scare…

Nude pictures

I used to send
nude pictures to a boy
in high school
who lived in another country
he never shared them
because he ‘loved me’ though
we only met once

 

I sent
nude pictures
to Playboy
they said I was beautiful and rejected me
I sent the same ones
to a popular nude model agency
they wanted me to masturbate live
on camera and my nickname was

Lillie Summer

I did nothing but zoom the camera in my face

 

I sent nude photos
to a fling or ex that left or cheated on me
one ex saved them all and took photos
and videos of me in bed
without my knowledge or consent
his friends or random people on the internet
could have seen it
but I don’t care
they don’t know if it’s me
they don’t know the story

I sent nude photos
to my boyfriend
years ago
he did nothing
but keep it to himself

 

 

12 Deeds of Xmas

  1. Almost arrested for underage drinking in a club in Texas.
  2. Danced with 14 men in one night, some old enough to be my father.
  3. Went to a Christmas formal, got drunk, and had sex with a guy I met once and took me out on my 21st birthday.
  4. Got drunk off jello shots and madeout with a stranger at party when I was ‘in a relationship.’
  5. Plotted revenge on a cheating ex by joining a dating website and actually finding someone on there.
  6. Hooked up with my ex around his birthday while I was technically single but still in a relationship with my boyfriend.
  7. Got drunk and knocked over shelves in a video store.
  8. Talked to a monkey statue and took a picture of the plant on the toilet behind me in a public restroom.
  9. Blew off a guy I had a threesome with.
  10. Lead some jackass on for no reason.
  11. Gave my number to a bunch of strangers.
  12. Hooked up with someone the day after our relationship was ‘over’ but it wasn’t.

Given $6 for answering

I don’t know why you contact someone to tell you what you already know… Oh, because you think I’m psychic.

 
 

Lady: Does he still think of me?
Me: How long were you together?

 

Lady: We weren’t together, we only texted.
Me: Yes he still thinks of you.

 

Lady: How does he think of me, does he miss me?
Me: He thinks of you as an option.

 

Lady: Like he is using me or sex?
Me: Yes.

 

Lady: Do you see him coming back?
Me: Yes but you don’t need that. You need someone that will see you.

 

Lady: He doesn’t want to see me? Why?
Me: It’s not that he doesn’t, it’s that he hasn’t. He has something going on he’s not telling you about.

 

Lady: Was I right to leave him?
Me: Yes.

Kind of shit I deal with

ba

Yeah, you should NOT be okay with seeing your father’s penis but I’m not allowed to tell you my honest opinion about this. I’m supposed to act like this doesn’t disturb or annoy me when actually it does. If you’re serious, you should seek professional help. I can’t help you.

 

c d

Actually there is everything wrong with that but I’m not authorized to tell you that. If you’re seriously a grown man who likes your wife changing your diaper and talking baby talk to you, you have a serious problem. I hope you seek professional help for this issue, and if not; I hope your wife leaves you. No one woman should have to put up with this even though she supposedly likes it.

 

I will add those next to the pile of garbage I received about a father looking at his daughters boobs and a boy who wishes he could date his hot sister.
 
The question I have is: How long do you put aside your morals, beliefs, and standards to ‘help’ someone who is either abusing the service or can’t help themselves?