The contract

You are free to do what you please if you abide by these rules:


1. Give me money I don’t really need to pay off a loan.

2. Only talk to me during specific times, I can’t be bothered by your nonsense unless it involves money.

3. No talking or looking at the opposite sex unless it involves work.

4. The opposite sex can’t talk or look at you because I will kick his ass.

5. If you cheat on me, I’ll either end it or get even.

6. You have to pay attention to me when I want it or I’ll get mad.

7. Don’t bother me with what goes on in your life.

8. Don’t talk about emotions.

9. Follow these rules or I’ll threaten divorce.

10. If you want a divorce, find a place to live and I’ll send the papers.


Smalle is back

He looks at me
like I haven’t
seen you in forever
you look good
I want to bang you
you want to bang me?

I just keep walking
why don’t you want me?
is it because I blocked and unblocked you?
you were cheating on me
you thought I was doing something
is it because I sucked in bed?
you liked it

Yeah, I wanted you
but it never would have gotten anywhere
I didn’t love you like I loved him

You could have

Some things aren’t meant to be
I know but why do I still want you?
tell me, do you still want me too?

Sexually, we’ve always had a strong attraction
but I cannot
why not?
it’s playing with fire

Missed connection

I never met someone as big as a douchebag as you. You live in a yellow cardboard box shaped house in the middle of nowhere. You go to the bar alone or with co-workers to join the rest of the townies in your area. When we first met you lied about your age. I thought you were four years older than me but you were actually eight. I figured that out when I saw your drivers license on your dresser. You said you lied your age when you were younger to get land and other benefits. You got older and lied so you can get dates with younger women because you had no intention to settle down. Of course, you lied and say you did. You broke up with me a couple of times because you wanted a ‘housewife’ and it wasn’t me. The entire time you were fucking other people and on other dating websites. You used that as excuse to go about your business. I returned the favor and joined other websites. I downgraded you as a fuck buddy as well. I found someone else and forgot about you. Or so, I thought. I miss the fun we had together, no one else was a big douchebag as you. You broke up with me the last time because I spilled your beer and didn’t clean it up. If you’re in the area and happen to see me walking on the street, don’t pull over and ask me what’s up or if I want to see you later like you have once. I mean, I said I loved someone else. Why would it be any different?

Nude pictures

I used to send
nude pictures to a boy
in high school
who lived in another country
he never shared them
because he ‘loved me’ though
we only met once


I sent
nude pictures
to Playboy
they said I was beautiful and rejected me
I sent the same ones
to a popular nude model agency
they wanted me to masturbate live
on camera and my nickname was

Lillie Summer

I did nothing but zoom the camera in my face


I sent nude photos
to a fling or ex that left or cheated on me
one ex saved them all and took photos
and videos of me in bed
without my knowledge or consent
his friends or random people on the internet
could have seen it
but I don’t care
they don’t know if it’s me
they don’t know the story

I sent nude photos
to my boyfriend
years ago
he did nothing
but keep it to himself



12 Deeds of Xmas

  1. Almost arrested for underage drinking in a club in Texas.
  2. Danced with 14 men in one night, some old enough to be my father.
  3. Went to a Christmas formal, got drunk, and had sex with a guy I met once and took me out on my 21st birthday.
  4. Got drunk off jello shots and madeout with a stranger at party when I was ‘in a relationship.’
  5. Plotted revenge on a cheating ex by joining a dating website and actually finding someone on there.
  6. Hooked up with my ex around his birthday while I was technically single but still in a relationship with my boyfriend.
  7. Got drunk and knocked over shelves in a video store.
  8. Talked to a monkey statue and took a picture of the plant on the toilet behind me in a public restroom.
  9. Blew off a guy I had a threesome with.
  10. Lead some jackass on for no reason.
  11. Gave my number to a bunch of strangers.
  12. Hooked up with someone the day after our relationship was ‘over’ but it wasn’t.

She likes you

About girls who are Type passive or hard to get.



#1 She makes in fun of you.

If not in front of you, behind your back to people she knows. They know you speak funny and should consider taking more showers.

Why? She’s a bitch but she still has some brain, morals, and standards. She can’t say, “I want to sleep with you.” That’d be wrong on many levels (but mocking you and/or being two faced isn’t?)

#2 She looks at you.

You’re thinking, so people look at people or she caught me looking at her which is possible. If you’re feeling there is an attraction between you, there most likely is.

#3 How she is around you.

Sometimes she seems shy, other times not so. Sometimes she speaks without thinking. She knows what she says doesn’t really matter.

Given $6 for answering

I don’t know why you contact someone to tell you what you already know… Oh, because you think I’m psychic.


Lady: Does he still think of me?
Me: How long were you together?


Lady: We weren’t together, we only texted.
Me: Yes he still thinks of you.


Lady: How does he think of me, does he miss me?
Me: He thinks of you as an option.


Lady: Like he is using me or sex?
Me: Yes.


Lady: Do you see him coming back?
Me: Yes but you don’t need that. You need someone that will see you.


Lady: He doesn’t want to see me? Why?
Me: It’s not that he doesn’t, it’s that he hasn’t. He has something going on he’s not telling you about.


Lady: Was I right to leave him?
Me: Yes.

Love questions and predictions

Is he my soulmate?
No, if he was your soulmate you wouldn’t be asking me this question.


When will I meet the one?
When you stop thinking about it.


When are we getting married?
When he decides to commit, if ever.


What time are we getting married?
Never because you’re concerned with time.


How old will I be when I married?


Does he think of me?
You already know the answer to this question, you’re looking for validation.


Why does he message his ex?
He still has some kind of relationship with her.

Kind of shit I deal with


Yeah, you should NOT be okay with seeing your father’s penis but I’m not allowed to tell you my honest opinion about this. I’m supposed to act like this doesn’t disturb or annoy me when actually it does. If you’re serious, you should seek professional help. I can’t help you.


c d

Actually there is everything wrong with that but I’m not authorized to tell you that. If you’re seriously a grown man who likes your wife changing your diaper and talking baby talk to you, you have a serious problem. I hope you seek professional help for this issue, and if not; I hope your wife leaves you. No one woman should have to put up with this even though she supposedly likes it.


I will add those next to the pile of garbage I received about a father looking at his daughters boobs and a boy who wishes he could date his hot sister.
The question I have is: How long do you put aside your morals, beliefs, and standards to ‘help’ someone who is either abusing the service or can’t help themselves?