Why I’m letting this expire

It’s time to move on.
I don’t see the point in writing randomly like I have been. Besides a small audience and some likes, I don’t gain that much of it. None of you know who I am (though you’ve read about it), I get zero profit for it and little recognition. I went in knowing all this and not expecting anything in return. Now I have to think more about how I manage my free time, spend my money, and what other goals I have in life that don’t involve survival or money. I would like to sell some of my work and write the novel I told my mother I was going to write when she was nearly dying of cancer last year (she’s no longer in remission so it’s possible the nightmare will start over). It forces me to think about everything in my life. I go on the defense and survival mode (if you don’t know what that means don’t read this nor talk to me — I think you’re an idiot and don’t care if you think I’m a bitch).

 

What will become of this?

I could pay for it to be renewed but I’m not going too. I could give it a new name but I don’t want too. I could create a new one with a specific/tighter focus but I don’t have the time for it. This is not a good time for me to manage a website. Anything you would get from me in writing would be more nonsense or things you don’t follow or relate too.

 

I’m sorry but not so sorry that this isn’t a funny or positive post. The truth is, I’m just done. It’s nothing you or anyone did. I can’t stay with this website or blog forever. I’ve outgrown it. Thank you all for watching the madness.

 

Note: The first category on this website was called, “C’est la vie” 

Honestly answering an Ex’s questions

Why didn’t you respond to my text?
You texted me? I blocked your cell phone number.

 

Did you miss me?
I miss the sex, I don’t miss you so much.

 

Do you love me?
I loved you but I don’t anymore. Okay, maybe I do love you. Not in the sense I want to marry you, in the sense I don’t want to hurt you.

 

Would you consider getting back with me?
No, yes, no, yes, no. It depends, are you still flirting with/screwing everyone you see?

 

Why did you break up with me?
I was still in love with my ex boyfriend.

 

You loved your ex more than you loved me?
Yes. I mean, we’ve been together for four years.

 

So you choose him over me?
Yes.

 

Will you go out with me?
Maybe if I was single.

 

Why did you make it difficult to see me when you were single?
I knew you only wanted to see me to have sex and I had a million other things going on my in my life. The last thing I wanted to be was some guy’s booty call.

 
 

Conversation with an Ex

Went like this…

 
 

Him
Hey

 

Me
Hey?

 

Him
You deleted my number?

 

Me
A long time ago

 

Him
I want to see you, it’s been awhile

 

Me
I have a boyfriend

 

Him
So he doesn’t have to know, we can just hangout

 

Me
I’m good I’m not a cheat and I don’t play that game

 

Him
But he doesn’t treat you well

 

Me
Better than you and you don’t know him

 

Him
Give me a chance this time we will go places and do more things

 

Me
You had your chance

 

Him
I miss you and your tight pussy

 

Me
It’s all about sex with you

 

Him
I want to be more

 

Me
What? You love me? You’ve been persistent in contacting me every single day though I blocked your number

 

Him
You’re good

 

Me
In terms of?

 

Him
Everything

 

Me

 

Him
You miss me?

 

Me
No I don’t love you and you don’t really love me either

 

Him
Yeah, let’s make it more

 

Me
I don’t know about that

 

Him
I miss fucking you

 

Me
Find a whore or blowup doll

Threesome: Is it cheating?

You’re all adults. You’re old enough to decide who you sleep with, how many people you sleep with, and what you do in the bedroom. Unless you were raped, you can’t say you did something you didn’t want to do.

(Of course drugs or alcohol could influence your decision but it was your choice to put that into your body.)

You want to accuse your partner of cheating or being unfaithful because they had sex with someone else in front of you. But then, you had sex with the same person they did. You think it was ‘same sex’ so it doesn’t count. It still counts, your were all over each other.

If your primary partner has sex with the third person when you leave, it’s cheating. You did not discuss or agree to that. They did it behind your back. Neither one of them are faithful and cannot be trusted. Forget them.

I’m a Scorpio

I’m horny as hell
I’m ruled by my genitals
Mars and Pluto
— after all

If you don’t like sex
or suck in bed
you shouldn’t date me
I wouldn’t rape you
I wouldn’t waste my time
I’m sexy as hell

I’m not a whore

I’m not a sex addict
like they say
I am your whore
for more then one night
if you don’t know it
don’t worry, I’ll show it
I’m not all talk
I’m all action

Don’t cross me
I wouldn’t cross you
if you do you will meet
another side of me
you have never known
it’s called death
you don’t want to meet
my sister, “Karma.”
save your drama

Accept and appreciate
I’m fucking
passionate as hell
there is no other

Life questions

If I think another girl is hot, does it make me a lesbian?
Only if you don’t like men.

Can I get pregnant from masturbation?
That’s why you’re $100,000 in debt. Child support.

Is it okay to date two people at once?
Can you live with herpes?

Why can’t I get pregnant?
Did you try having sex?

Why am I so miserable?
You’re not getting laid.

Why am I still single?
Because you’re asking me why you’re single.

Why don’t they like me?
They’re losers.

Am I going to get a better job?
Call a psychic.

Drunk me vs. Sober me

Drunk

“Want to have a threesome?”

 

Sober

“Threesomes are fucking disgusting.”

 

Drunk

“She’s hot.”

 

Sober

“She’s a ugly slut.”

 

Drunk

“Sure, I’ll suck your dick.”

 

Sober

“Why can’t you suck your own dick?”

 

Drunk

“I only cheated on you once.”

 

Sober

“You broke up with me.”

 

Drunk

“Find a hot girl and maybe I’ll kiss her — and we’ll have a threesome.”

 

Sober

“You have to get me really drunk to do anything.”

What I learned in college

My writing sucks.

It’s confusing, improper, and there’s too many errors. I might as well give up, there is no future being a writer unless I want to live with my mother forever.

 

I’m not just crazy, I’m clinically crazy now — it’s all your fault.

Anxiety, OCD, manic bi-polar, and narcissistic — all things I WASN’T before but am convinced I am now.

 

I still have no friends and no one likes me.

I still don’t give a flying fuck.

 

I’m still not over that one asshole and I’m still dating an asshole.

Think college would change how I secretly wish they’d get their head out of their ass? Well, it didn’t. If anything, the asshole yelling in my face and insulting me triggered me to think about other people.

 

Not everyone or everything on campus sucks.

There’s a few good people. My definition of good would most likely be the people I danced with. My most positive college experience was dancing.

 

I will never work in groups again.

It hardly ever ends well.

 

You still have to pay me for me to say something nice about someone’s work.

I’m sorry, I’m not sorry I can’t be nice or positive about someone’s writing especially when I think they are fake or their writing sucks. I’ll give them comments that aren’t rude — that’s it. I need to be true to myself even if that means not pretending to like someone or something I don’t like.

Things people don’t understand about Dancers

Literally…
How much time, energy, and money is spent.

You don’t just put on music and dance like you do at parties.

 

Time

People dance for years — some more then others. I’m one of those people that haven’t been fortunate to dance since I was five years old. I started dancing when I was nineteen. Of course, I didn’t have studio training so I wasn’t that good.

For me, I dance hours a week. It’s hardly ever put on music and go. There’s a lot of stretching exercises and techniques that need to be worked on before to prevent injury and make it look good.

 

Energy

I can’t be tired but usually I am. I have to make my body energize. It’s hard especially when you are sad, depressed, stressed out, sick, and feel like breaking down.

 

Money

It’s not free. If it were, more people would be doing it. You have to buy the right gear. If you join a dance club, you have to buy all the costumes yourself. Nobody hands it to you. And you’re like me you don’t have a mother or father to buy it for you. You’re on your own so literally if you fuck up… quit dancing, get injuries, or look terrible — it’s your fault.

It’s your mind, body, spirit, money, and life.

 

And also…

I don’t do this for attention and I’m not a slut. I don’t feel comfortable acting and looking like a slut. I recognize it as an act, not a slutty performance. If I wanted that, I would be a pornographic artist.

My Secret Operation System

We all have one. If you say you don’t, you’re lying.

 

Don’t ask, don’t tell.

Simple as that. If you don’t seem at all interested, why would I tell you what I am doing or thinking at any given moment?

 

I prefer you don’t ask

I don’t like questions. So you must have very good communication skills or something to get information out of me. I’m very good at holding/withholding information, by the way.

 

List of things I won’t tell you:

Anything at all about my personal life or background.

I’m not stupid, I know better.

 

I really don’t care about your problems

You talk all you want, it willy only annoy and bore me. I won’t emphasize or sympathize with you, I’m not a fool.

And hey, I have my own problems as well. I don’t talk about them.  I certainly don’t bitch, moan, or complain either.

 

I will never thank you for criticism

I just won’t. Criticism is never a positive thing. There is nothing you can say or do to prove me wrong. Say whatever the fuck you want though, you will anyways. It doesn’t bother me.

 

I remember everything

Not returning my texts or emails? Okay, fine. In the future when you ask me for favors or want to talk to me, I won’t be around. It’s not a threat, it’s a promise. Do not underestimate my ability to ignore, remove, and block people that don’t matter from my life.

Treated me/people I actually know badly? I remember that. Don’t be blinded by me ‘accepting’ your friend request on Facebook, either. You know I only did that to see what the fuck you wanted. Nothing apparently, you just wanted to stalk me.