Why did you say that? Why did you do that? You know I don’t like it. Are you purposely fucking with? Why? What did I do? What the fuck is wrong with you?
I hate you.
If I was allowed to use my bad animal instincts without guilt and a prison sentence — I would kill you. That what an animal does when it gets angry.
I want you.
Ah you’re just being you — that’s okay. I remember all the good times we had together.
I need you.
I’m so lonely — I cry myself to sleep at night. Where are you? I miss you.
I love you.
I want you, and only you. I need you, and only you. You make me happy despite the rest of the bullshit.
Now… you can go die.
I can’t stand having emotions. It drives me insane. I suppose we can make this work…
I am chick who got her nose pierced on the left side because it looks good.
Ask a million questions — that start with, “How.”
How is your mother doing? How is the weather? How is your job? How is your boyfriend/girlfriend doing? How is that diet going? How is that project you were working on going? How is your neighbor? Your cousin?
Stare at you — like they have never seen another human being before.
Maybe you’re on the street, at the grocery store, or gym. There always seems to be this one person standing around — watching you like a parasite with their big bug eyes.
Are just annoying. Period.
Maybe it’s their voice, tone, or choice of words — or they’re just annoying for no apparent reason at all.
Just know not to be annoying. It agitates them to be annoyed — so it’s best to avoid it? Then again, they are annoying because they complain about people being annoying. It’s a never ending cycle.
His penis is too small.
Her vagina is to dry.
The batteries died.
You put it in the wrong hole.
You need Viagra or lube.
You don’t go down on each other.
You agree on times to do it.
She’s just not that into you.
He’s just not that into.
“You’re not getting fat.”
You could lose a few extra pounds.
“No, your butt doesn’t look too big.”
“I didn’t spend that much.”
So what if I did.
“I didn’t get your text.”
I didn’t feel like texting.
“Your parents are fine.”
I can’t fucking stand them.
“No, your hair is not a mess.”
You look like a rag-doll.
“The sex was great.”
That was terrible.
“Sure, you can bring your friends.”
I hope you don’t bring your friends.
“I wasn’t up all night.”
Okay, I was. Big deal.
“I don’t watch porn.”
I watch porn when I’m not with you.
I don’t want to talk right now.
“Sure, you can.”
You just wait…
Attention-seeking status updates.
One day they are complaining about their day — the next day, something bad happens. We feel sympathy. The following day — it’s a gorgeous day at the beach and they’re happily in love. The final day — they talk about their achievements. It’s a never ending cycle.
Watch out — these people got smart. Instead of saying much about themselves and work, they keep quiet or post links to it on their wall. They are creating the perfect image of themselves, which means not making their self-gratification obvious. Every like and comment you give to them feeds their ego. Oh yeah, and that sweet picture of them playing in a cornfield with their dog — was planned out by the photographer.
Lastly — selfies. Many selfies. They seem to have a new profile picture up every week. If they have an instagram, their face is all over it.
In Real Life:
If you can answer yes to any of these questions, it’s a good chance they are:
Are the conversations more focused on them than you?
Are they obsessed with their appearance?
Do they have many shallow relationships?
Is the only time they want to see you/be seen with you is on their own time?
… If you know them online and in real life, your job is much easier.