Completing drafts

I don’t
give a fuck

 

If I write a poem for my boyfriend
it’d be a simple “I love you” note
on a plate of brownies
’cause I know my man
he don’t want no poem
and won’t read it

 

Why my writing
sucks?
I spit it out

 

The love of my life
is Starbucks
coffee frappuccino
with coconut milk

 

Drive by agent
drives by my house
to see if I’m there
passes by me
on my way to town
makes it look like
he’s doing his job
not stalking me
but he is
he wouldn’t say a word
to me, hasn’t in years
he watches and follows me
when I drive

 

What I learned from 90s shows
It’s okay to kiss other people if you’re in a relationship, you’re going to marry your boyfriend/girlfriend anyway. -Boy meets world. Television sucks, it gives you dreams and situations that will never happen.

 

Signs your girlfriend hates you
she ignores you
your nickname is asshole, douchebag, jackass, moron, dumbass, etc
she texts other guys
she is sleeping with other guys or thinking about it
you get pity and drunk sex
she’s bored

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Smalle is back

He looks at me
like I haven’t
seen you in forever
you look good
I want to bang you
you want to bang me?

I just keep walking
why don’t you want me?
is it because I blocked and unblocked you?
you were cheating on me
you thought I was doing something
is it because I sucked in bed?
you liked it

Yeah, I wanted you
but it never would have gotten anywhere
I didn’t love you like I loved him

You could have

Some things aren’t meant to be
I know but why do I still want you?
tell me, do you still want me too?

Sexually, we’ve always had a strong attraction
but I cannot
why not?
it’s playing with fire

Missed connection

I never met someone as big as a douchebag as you. You live in a yellow cardboard box shaped house in the middle of nowhere. You go to the bar alone or with co-workers to join the rest of the townies in your area. When we first met you lied about your age. I thought you were four years older than me but you were actually eight. I figured that out when I saw your drivers license on your dresser. You said you lied your age when you were younger to get land and other benefits. You got older and lied so you can get dates with younger women because you had no intention to settle down. Of course, you lied and say you did. You broke up with me a couple of times because you wanted a ‘housewife’ and it wasn’t me. The entire time you were fucking other people and on other dating websites. You used that as excuse to go about your business. I returned the favor and joined other websites. I downgraded you as a fuck buddy as well. I found someone else and forgot about you. Or so, I thought. I miss the fun we had together, no one else was a big douchebag as you. You broke up with me the last time because I spilled your beer and didn’t clean it up. If you’re in the area and happen to see me walking on the street, don’t pull over and ask me what’s up or if I want to see you later like you have once. I mean, I said I loved someone else. Why would it be any different?

“Think about it, why are you going back that way?”

I have too many issues and I can’t commit my life away to someone.

 

No one was asking you too. You’re at the point you settle down.

 

Like what? Get married and have kids?

 

Yes. Isn’t that what you want?

 

No. The idea of marriage and kids repulse me.

 

Why? Love is a beautiful thing.

 

It’s disgusting, confusing, and scary.

 

It can create wonderful things.

 

So can Mother Nature.

 

You love him?

 

Yes but I can’t commit to him.

 

You can if you want too, you choose not too.

 

It’s not that simple. You need to be physically, emotionally, and mentally in place for that to happen. I lack the assets, am bored and indifferent, and know that’s because I am who I am and can’t change.

 

You could if you wanted too.

No. I don’t think you understand. You don’t know me, he doesn’t know me. When I get bored and feel nothing, I tend to wander off. When I wander off I explore and find something I like. I take it, know the consequences of it and don’t care — life is too short. I would hate to miss out on something because one douchebag held me back from living my life.

 

What if you loved the douchebag and he did it for your own good?

He doesn’t have the capacity to think about what’s good for me, only what’s good for him. I have the capacity but don’t use it on him.

 

You’re intentionally bad?

I just know what I want, want what I want, and don’t care.

 

Are you a cheat?

Once a cheat, always a cheat. Be my friend by all means, nothing more. We can hookup but we can’t date. It doesn’t matter how good you are in bed, how hot you are, what you do, if you’re funny, etc. It matters how fast you run.

 

When did this start?

A few Decembers ago, I “travelled” to a cardboard box shaped house I have known.

 

You loved him?

No, we had a lot of fun though. He cheated on me. I found him on numerous dating websites.

12 Deeds of Xmas

  1. Almost arrested for underage drinking in a club in Texas.
  2. Danced with 14 men in one night, some old enough to be my father.
  3. Went to a Christmas formal, got drunk, and had sex with a guy I met once and took me out on my 21st birthday.
  4. Got drunk off jello shots and madeout with a stranger at party when I was ‘in a relationship.’
  5. Plotted revenge on a cheating ex by joining a dating website and actually finding someone on there.
  6. Hooked up with my ex around his birthday while I was technically single but still in a relationship with my boyfriend.
  7. Got drunk and knocked over shelves in a video store.
  8. Talked to a monkey statue and took a picture of the plant on the toilet behind me in a public restroom.
  9. Blew off a guy I had a threesome with.
  10. Lead some jackass on for no reason.
  11. Gave my number to a bunch of strangers.
  12. Hooked up with someone the day after our relationship was ‘over’ but it wasn’t.

Magic vs the Real world

Closet 

Leads to a magical world the protagonist(s) only know about.

 

In real life

You would think clothes, shoes, and junk back there. You’d be surprised how many people have sex, hide someone back there, and do a number of things we don’t want to know about. I wonder why we try to teach the children it leads to a magical world…

 

Invisibility

No one can physically see you so you can do whatever you want.

 

In real life

You may feel invisible but people can see you, especially if you make an ass out of yourself. You can ‘disappear’ by removing yourself from unpleasant people, things, or situations.

 

Carpet

It can fly, don’t need a car.

 

In real life

If I sat on a carpet and waited for it to fly, people would ask what is wrong with me. Out of all the things I could fly if magic was real, why a carpet? The only thing magical about is it captures water and crumbs I have to vacuum later.

 

Spells

Say something right, and you get it?

 

In real life

I wrote a bunch of poetry, why don’t I have anything I wrote about in it? Words aren’t enough. You have to make it happen.

 

 

Honest Facebook profile

Does it exist? Maybe, maybe not. They only allow you to do so much. This is sort of a test for me to figure it out. I’ll try to fill it out to the best of my knowledge.

 

Intro
 

Describe who you are
(101 characters or less)

I’m a 9th house Scorpio with an Aquarius moon and rising in the 1st house. You’ll never get me.

 

Overview
 

Graduated
Studied Creative Writing at State University of New York at * in 2015.
Past: Humanities concentration: Liberal Arts and Humanities at * Community College in 2013.
* High school in 2008.

 
Kicked out of/resigned out of
Liberal Arts at * Community College in 2010.
Social Science concentration: Liberal Arts and Humanities at * Community College in 2009.
Psychology concentration: Liberal Arts at * Community College in 2009.

 

Current city
___ (Why?)

Hometown
___ (Too ashamed of the town to mention it.)

Birthday
November, 7 1989

 

Contact and Basic info
 

Basic information
Interested In: Women and Men (But no one really…)
Languages: English, know some French and Russian.
Religious views: New Age
Political party: Whatever
Description: I’m registered as a “Green” member but somedays I’m more Independent. I was previously declared “Independent”.

 

Family and Relationships

Relationship
In a relationship but it’s hidden and says I’m single? Don’t ask me why, it’s his fault for being an asshole and not accepting my relationship request.

 

Family members
You want me to list all my family members on Facebook? WHY? So you can stalk them, judge me, or judge them? I’m good. (Potentially single now for real, think I just dumped him?)

 

 

P.S. Now you figured out why I don’t say anything on Facebook anymore.

Words I can’t spell

Aggorant
Ranting about rotten eggs.

Arrogant
What I am for not knowing how to spell arrogant.

 

Thamming
Thinking about ham.

Tatum
Chad’s last name.

 

Fanatisizing
Getting a smaller fan to fit in your window.

Fantasizing
Dreaming of things that may never happen.

 

Virigina
What you came out of the day you were born.

Virginia
A state.

 

Insomatic
In some attic.

Insomniac
Your status after a lack of sleep. It’s a song by Aly & AJ, Google it.

 

Goggle.com
Where you go to find pool goggles?

Google.com
You had to Google all of these words because you’re aggorant.

My laziness

Hungry, wants dinner and doesn’t feel like cooking
Doesn’t cook dinner, settles on a bagel and small bag of plain chips.

 

Thirsty, doesn’t want to go to the kitchen to get something
Takes a cup to the bathroom and fills it with water. (It’s a good thing it’s not city, you’d have to walk a few extra feet to get filtered.)

 

Spends time making ice coffee for tomorrow
Won’t spend time to make food or get a drink out of the kitchen.

 

Takes two baths to lay in the tub
Gets out of the tub to lay in bed.

 

Doesn’t want to brush hair
Puts it in a bun because nobody will notice it.

 

In the event you must leave the cave
Put on sunglasses instead of makeup.

 

Sees a text message and doesn’t respond
Says I was busy, asleep, or didn’t get it