How not to talk to a girl

“Hey, want to have a threesome?”
No, but is your friend single?

 

“We should hookup sometime.”
Maybe if we were at a bar but we are not…

 

“Do you spit or swallow?”
Neither.

 

“Are you a Lesbian? If you are, can I watch?”
Are you gay? If you are, can I watch? Just kidding. Why on Earth would I want to watch anyone have sex.

 

“Send me nude pics.”
Of what? I can send you pictures of a dog, cat, cow, or chicken. They’re naked…

 

“I want you, do you want me? I’m way better for you.”
What?

Honestly answering an Ex’s questions

Why didn’t you respond to my text?
You texted me? I blocked your cell phone number.

 

Did you miss me?
I miss the sex, I don’t miss you so much.

 

Do you love me?
I loved you but I don’t anymore. Okay, maybe I do love you. Not in the sense I want to marry you, in the sense I don’t want to hurt you.

 

Would you consider getting back with me?
No, yes, no, yes, no. It depends, are you still flirting with/screwing everyone you see?

 

Why did you break up with me?
I was still in love with my ex boyfriend.

 

You loved your ex more than you loved me?
Yes. I mean, we’ve been together for four years.

 

So you choose him over me?
Yes.

 

Will you go out with me?
Maybe if I was single.

 

Why did you make it difficult to see me when you were single?
I knew you only wanted to see me to have sex and I had a million other things going on my in my life. The last thing I wanted to be was some guy’s booty call.

 
 

Conversation with an Ex

Went like this…

 
 

Him
Hey

 

Me
Hey?

 

Him
You deleted my number?

 

Me
A long time ago

 

Him
I want to see you, it’s been awhile

 

Me
I have a boyfriend

 

Him
So he doesn’t have to know, we can just hangout

 

Me
I’m good I’m not a cheat and I don’t play that game

 

Him
But he doesn’t treat you well

 

Me
Better than you and you don’t know him

 

Him
Give me a chance this time we will go places and do more things

 

Me
You had your chance

 

Him
I miss you and your tight pussy

 

Me
It’s all about sex with you

 

Him
I want to be more

 

Me
What? You love me? You’ve been persistent in contacting me every single day though I blocked your number

 

Him
You’re good

 

Me
In terms of?

 

Him
Everything

 

Me

 

Him
You miss me?

 

Me
No I don’t love you and you don’t really love me either

 

Him
Yeah, let’s make it more

 

Me
I don’t know about that

 

Him
I miss fucking you

 

Me
Find a whore or blowup doll

Some things about Capricorn

I’m not a Capricorn, I have known a lot of Capricorns.

 

 

They’re not selfish

Everyone gets presents around or on their birthday. They learn early on the true meaning of Christmas because they kind of have no choice to not learn it.

 

They can be selfish

About their money and belongings. Why? Because they worked their ass of for it and you should too! If you don’t, it’s not their problem and they don’t want to hear it.

 

They’re not that patient

They’re willing to work hard for the things they want in life, but they won’t wait in a long line at a coffee shop. Why wait forever at one coffee shop when there’s others in town? Or better yet, you can make it at home for free!

 

They’re complicated but not really

They’re cold and detached at times because they’re mad, bored, or something is on their mind. They don’t mind doing favors for you but don’t ask them for any favors. If they’re in a generous mood or think you really need their help, they will do something. Good luck though if you burned bridges with them, they don’t forget anything.

 

They’re not horny toads

What I mean is, they don’t want to fuck everyone they see. They’re monogamous for the most part. If you cheat on them, they will not cheat on you. They will get angry and end the relationship. They can’t tolerate someone who is dishonest and unloyal.

 

They can be romantic

Surprises? Vacations? They plan those without you having an idea it’s going on. The bedroom, on the other hand; you have to show him/her how to romance you. You can tell them what you like but often you find it’s better to show them.

 

Family is important

If you don’t like his/her’s parents, you should run. If you don’t want to settle down someday, you should run. They won’t sacrifice their family for you (unless they hate them). They also want to start a family of their own.

How to tell if a Scorpio is in love with you

I recently read this thing that said, “Scorpio will let you in.” I wouldn’t take that as an indicator of love, they could even like you as a friend or are simply connecting with you. This is my take, you don’t have to agree with it! I don’t care. Everyone is different.

#1 They look hot
Like all the time because they want nothing more then to seduce you!

#2 They act crazier then usual
They say things that don’t make sense, ask you if you’re cheating on them, and sometimes talk too much or too little. They confuse the shit out of you. (Why? Because they haven’t fully figured you out yet so can’t behave in a way that is appropriate and won’t bother you.)

#3 They make it known they want you
They talk about sex and engage in sexual activities with you. They even ask you questions about you, your life, and what you want. It’s not all about them.

#4 They do things for you
Smalls things you like. They don’t spend a lot of money if they don’t have it. (If they had money, they would be afraid to spend it on you because what if you don’t feel the same way, cheat on them, or stay with them only for the money?)

#5 It doesn’t take them forever to respond to you
They don’t ignore your texts, they hate the feeling of being ignored. Why would they do it? They wouldn’t. They respond within minutes or hours to a text. If they’re busy or need space though, leave them alone. Let them come to you…

#6 How they act around you
Do they love kissing you? Holding you? Cuddling? They’re in love. If they’re pulling away from you; you either pissed them off, been friend zoned, or they think you’re disgusting.

#7 They act like they don’t care
They’re passive and try not to wear their heart on their sleeve. They’re quiet and mysterious, you don’t know what’s on their mind. (They’re not doing this because of anything you did. They don’t want to let their guard down.)

#8 They let go
It’s hard for Scorpio to love because they get attached. They have a history of getting burnt badly in past relationships. If they’re able to let go of past feelings a bit and express themselves to you… They’re in love.

#9 The way they look at you
Do they look at you like you’re meat? Or do they look at you like they want to marry you? I can’t tell you what those two looks look like but you will be able to tell yourself…

#10 How they treat you
They don’t call you names, disrespect you, or make you do anything you don’t want to do. (They expect the same thing in return if you can’t give it, someone else will because they’re that amazing.)

Sources:
A Scorpio that knows/knew a lot of Scorpio

Facebook you vs. Real you

In a relationship = I didn’t want to put it out there but my partner is suspicious.

Single = I am not single, I’m in a relationship. I hope my partner doesn’t know I’m seeing other people.

Married = I am tied down for the rest of my life. If I cheat, nobody has a clue expect my partner. Everyone else thinks I’m great.

 

Status: “It was a beautiful day out. So thankful for my friends and family that came out. <3” = It was a horrible day. I can’t stand them but I’m going to pretend I do.

 

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Still wanna date me?

 

Life questions

If I think another girl is hot, does it make me a lesbian?
Only if you don’t like men.

Can I get pregnant from masturbation?
That’s why you’re $100,000 in debt. Child support.

Is it okay to date two people at once?
Can you live with herpes?

Why can’t I get pregnant?
Did you try having sex?

Why am I so miserable?
You’re not getting laid.

Why am I still single?
Because you’re asking me why you’re single.

Why don’t they like me?
They’re losers.

Am I going to get a better job?
Call a psychic.

Questions you shouldn’t ask

INT. LIVING ROOM — DAY

GIRL (20s) and GUY (20s) sit on the couch in front of the television. Guy takes out his cell phone and strolls through his text messages. Girl looks at him furiously.

GIRL

Who are you texting?

GUY

My sister.

GIRL

Thought you said you don’t have a sister?

GUY

Right, it’s my mother.

GIRL

You said your mother is dead.

GUY

Fuck.

GIRL

YOU.

CUT TO:

EXT. PARK — DAY
Guy and Girl sit on the beach. Kids behind them LAUGH and SCREAM. They stare at each other.

GUY

What were you doing last night?

GIRL

I told you, I was working.

GUY

Then why were you posting Facebook status’ at 4am?

GIRL

I wasn’t! Check the time.

Guy moves closer to Girl. His face turns red, his eyes water.

GUY

Don’t need too, I know you were out with him. Why don’t you admit it!?

Girl backs away from Guy.

GIRL

With who? My brother.

GUY

Your ex. If not, why are you still talking to him?

GIRL

Why are you going through my text messages?

GUY

It couldn’t be because you cheated on me once.

GIRL

You’re dumb.

Girl gets up and walks away.

Things guys don’t quite understand

I just came home, don’t talk to me

Especially joke. Chances are I’m hungry, tired, or miserable. If I was happy, you would know it — then and only then say whatever you want.

 

I can tell you’re looking at me

I get it, it’s normal to look at someone if they appear somewhat attractive, interesting, or weird. You could at least not make it obvious you are looking.

 

If I don’t laugh, I don’t think you’re funny

Just strange or annoying.

 

I can’t look you in the eye

I’m telling you what you want to hear to get you off my back. I’m clearly not interested.

 

If I laugh, I might like you

I’m not going to make the next move, it’s up to you.

 

If I have another man, it shouldn’t stop you

Just because I have a man doesn’t mean I’m going to stay with him forever. There is nothing wrong with us talking, it’s not like we are going to have sex.

 

I didn’t ‘fix’ myself for you

My hair looks good. My clothes look good. I didn’t do it for you, boo. I’m either going somewhere and/or did it for the hell of it — because that is how I am.

Why I don’t want to get married or have kids.

Philosophy: You’re in a prison sentence once you decide to get married. You made a lifetime commitment. Once you have kids, you’re no longer in prison. Your life is completely over.

 

Marriage

For me to get married, I need to find someone that fits me. I mean, really fits me. I can’t be with someone if I know I’m not going to be happy or annoyed 24/7. That’s not a healthy relationship.

At the point I am at in my life right now I can’t think about marriage. I haven’t exactly came to my full, to accept another person’s full. I can love all I want, I just can’t make that big of a commitment.

 

Children

Kids generally annoy me. It’s not that I hate them or am a bad person, it’s just I have no patience. Yelling and crying sets me off. I can’t imagine having to take care of one.

If I were to get pregnant right now, I would get an abortion. It sounds bad but hey, I have to be honest with myself. I am no position to have a kid right now nor do I want one. I don’t think bringing a child in my chaos, unhappiness, instability, and confusion is best for the child either. I would be automatically setting the child up for a difficult life. Maybe a child ten years from now, who knows — and if I even want one. I don’t know.