Given $6 for answering

I don’t know why you contact someone to tell you what you already know… Oh, because you think I’m psychic.

 
 

Lady: Does he still think of me?
Me: How long were you together?

 

Lady: We weren’t together, we only texted.
Me: Yes he still thinks of you.

 

Lady: How does he think of me, does he miss me?
Me: He thinks of you as an option.

 

Lady: Like he is using me or sex?
Me: Yes.

 

Lady: Do you see him coming back?
Me: Yes but you don’t need that. You need someone that will see you.

 

Lady: He doesn’t want to see me? Why?
Me: It’s not that he doesn’t, it’s that he hasn’t. He has something going on he’s not telling you about.

 

Lady: Was I right to leave him?
Me: Yes.

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Misconception about Men

“They don’t care.”
“They cheat on me.”
“They’re abusive.”

 

I sat here for once
staring at my screen
receiving nothing but messages
from men about their woman…

 

I think she’s cheating on me
she lies to me all the time
She had sex with another guy
she said he was better in bed
He probably has a bigger penis than I do
that’s why she wants him
She’s pregnant and I don’t
think I’m the father
We had a great time now she
ignores all my messages
She broke up with me for
no reason
She told me she cuts herself
but never told me why

 

I love her and would do anything for her
Me: Does she know that?
I told her, she’s my soulmate
I think about her all the time
I can’t get her out of my mind
why couldn’t she tell me?
Me: Perhaps…
I want your honest opinion
Me: Somethings not right in her head
and she’s seeing someone else

Part of me

I think about the day we met in my darkest hour
I don’t question my decision to walk away
but I feel as if I was wrong to do it
like I should be with you and not with him
I never had the insane chemistry
with him as I do with you
but he never hurt me or played me like you did

 

Then again,
maybe I hurt and played you
I walked away without a explanation
though I gave you one a million times
I made love to you one too many times to make you
think I’d do whatever you want

 

One day,
I shut down completely on you and showed you
you can’t control me
but you still think you do
I’ll magically come back to you
when things go south like I have

 

Then again,
you’re not the same person I met years ago
you’ve changed and I realized you’re never coming back
and I’m not either

Make it or Break it?

Laws of attraction? Everyone is different and don’t look for the same thing in their potential lovers. These are my make it/break it things. Don’t take this too seriously, I mean nothing by it. My only intention is to get you thinking about what your make it/break it.

 
 

Men

 

Make it
Some facial hair

Break it
Looks like a pedophile

 

Make it
Nice short hair

Break it
Long hair

 

Make it
Nice arms

Break it
I have more muscles than him

 

Women

 

Make it
Born a female

Break it
Use to be a man

 

Make it
Beautiful hair

Break it
Short hair or weird colors

 

Make it
Nice legs

Break it
Big muscular arms

 

Both genders

 

Make it
Are in good shape

Break it
Obese

 

Make it
Can have an interesting conversation with

Break it
Only knows about a few subjects

 

Make it
A sense of humor

Break it
Dry, boring

 

Make it
Is also a writer and/or creative type of person

Break it
Has an issue with writers and/or creative people

 

Make it
Likes to have fun and try new things

Break it
Would rather watch television all day

 

Make it
Doesn’t smoke, abuse drugs or alcohol

Break it
Smokes, abuses drugs or alcohol

 

Make it
No kids

Break it
Kids

How not to talk to a girl

“Hey, want to have a threesome?”
No, but is your friend single?

 

“We should hookup sometime.”
Maybe if we were at a bar but we are not…

 

“Do you spit or swallow?”
Neither.

 

“Are you a Lesbian? If you are, can I watch?”
Are you gay? If you are, can I watch? Just kidding. Why on Earth would I want to watch anyone have sex.

 

“Send me nude pics.”
Of what? I can send you pictures of a dog, cat, cow, or chicken. They’re naked…

 

“I want you, do you want me? I’m way better for you.”
What?

Walk Away

I could say hello but I’m not interested in small talk
seeing your number makes me want to vomit
seeing your face makes me want to bash it in a million pieces

 

I could explain why I stopped talking to you out of the blue
but I refuse to be interrogated for something I didn’t do

 

I could rant on and on about the things you said and did
that no other man, a stable respectful man would do
you want to say it’s part of your culture or religion
if that were true, you give your people a bad name

 

You don’t listen or take a clue

 

I told you numerous times
you and I would never work out
I don’t like high heels
I don’t want your hands around my neck
I don’t appreciate the comments about
you having a threesome with my younger sister and I

 

I would never convert to Islam
or make an effort to learn your language
you forced high heels on my feet like I was
Cinderella and you were Prince Charming
(yeah, right)
you choked me and slapped my face
you showed me a knife and made a joke
about taking my life
I saw less and less of you
you began to stalk my younger sister and
her friends on Facebook
I told you that was the last straw

 

I told you I didn’t like you as much as you liked me
you proceeded to ask me out
I walked away without answering your requests to see you again
or answering your question, “Do you have someone else?”
I responded, “None of your business.”

Alliterative motive

“Hey beautiful, how is it going?”
I want to sleep with you.
 
“What are you doing tonight?”
I want to sleep with you.
 
“I’m thinking of you.”
I want to sleep with you.
 
“I like you.”
I would like to sleep with you.
 
“Do you ever wanna meet?”
I desperately want to meet you because I haven’t gotten laid in awhile.
 

Threesome: Is it cheating?

You’re all adults. You’re old enough to decide who you sleep with, how many people you sleep with, and what you do in the bedroom. Unless you were raped, you can’t say you did something you didn’t want to do.

(Of course drugs or alcohol could influence your decision but it was your choice to put that into your body.)

You want to accuse your partner of cheating or being unfaithful because they had sex with someone else in front of you. But then, you had sex with the same person they did. You think it was ‘same sex’ so it doesn’t count. It still counts, your were all over each other.

If your primary partner has sex with the third person when you leave, it’s cheating. You did not discuss or agree to that. They did it behind your back. Neither one of them are faithful and cannot be trusted. Forget them.

I’m looking for:

A hot muscular guy with a big dick.

 

REQUIREMENTS:

 

Lots of money

No history of cheating on a partner

Be okay with me potentially cheating on him

Likes to have a lot of sex

Cannot suck in bed

Ability to cook and clean for self

Must be okay with the fact I don’t cook or clean

Be creative AND athletic

Not in love with Adam Sandler movies

Doesn’t complain or argue

 

BENEFITS:

Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, etc.