Completing drafts

I don’t
give a fuck

 

If I write a poem for my boyfriend
it’d be a simple “I love you” note
on a plate of brownies
’cause I know my man
he don’t want no poem
and won’t read it

 

Why my writing
sucks?
I spit it out

 

The love of my life
is Starbucks
coffee frappuccino
with coconut milk

 

Drive by agent
drives by my house
to see if I’m there
passes by me
on my way to town
makes it look like
he’s doing his job
not stalking me
but he is
he wouldn’t say a word
to me, hasn’t in years
he watches and follows me
when I drive

 

What I learned from 90s shows
It’s okay to kiss other people if you’re in a relationship, you’re going to marry your boyfriend/girlfriend anyway. -Boy meets world. Television sucks, it gives you dreams and situations that will never happen.

 

Signs your girlfriend hates you
she ignores you
your nickname is asshole, douchebag, jackass, moron, dumbass, etc
she texts other guys
she is sleeping with other guys or thinking about it
you get pity and drunk sex
she’s bored

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Smalle is back

He looks at me
like I haven’t
seen you in forever
you look good
I want to bang you
you want to bang me?

I just keep walking
why don’t you want me?
is it because I blocked and unblocked you?
you were cheating on me
you thought I was doing something
is it because I sucked in bed?
you liked it

Yeah, I wanted you
but it never would have gotten anywhere
I didn’t love you like I loved him

You could have

Some things aren’t meant to be
I know but why do I still want you?
tell me, do you still want me too?

Sexually, we’ve always had a strong attraction
but I cannot
why not?
it’s playing with fire

Missed connection

I never met someone as big as a douchebag as you. You live in a yellow cardboard box shaped house in the middle of nowhere. You go to the bar alone or with co-workers to join the rest of the townies in your area. When we first met you lied about your age. I thought you were four years older than me but you were actually eight. I figured that out when I saw your drivers license on your dresser. You said you lied your age when you were younger to get land and other benefits. You got older and lied so you can get dates with younger women because you had no intention to settle down. Of course, you lied and say you did. You broke up with me a couple of times because you wanted a ‘housewife’ and it wasn’t me. The entire time you were fucking other people and on other dating websites. You used that as excuse to go about your business. I returned the favor and joined other websites. I downgraded you as a fuck buddy as well. I found someone else and forgot about you. Or so, I thought. I miss the fun we had together, no one else was a big douchebag as you. You broke up with me the last time because I spilled your beer and didn’t clean it up. If you’re in the area and happen to see me walking on the street, don’t pull over and ask me what’s up or if I want to see you later like you have once. I mean, I said I loved someone else. Why would it be any different?

When I was

1
My mother dressed me in pink because it made me happy.

2
I drank my father’s beer thinking it was Pepsi.

3
I pushed a boy off his bike because my oldest sister told me too.

4
A boy kissed me and I thought I was pregnant.

5
I fell asleep on the bus and missed my stop — on my birthday.

6
I told someone in class, “I make my barbies have sex” and she ratted on me — I still thought sex was kissing.

7
My best friend’s last name was Lemonhart.

8
I learned how to swim.

9
“Hey Arnold” came out, I liked Helga because she reminded me of me.

10
I danced “Opps I did it again” in a talent show.

11
I vandalized a park with toilet paper, broke a fountain, and had an angry mob chase after me and my friend.

12
Dealt with being the new kid in school and questioned why I pretended to like someone I didn’t like.

13
I had the first boy to cheat on me and the first boy I’d have to dump.

14
I ran track, I hate it, and everyone hated me; I was slow and they mocked me for being fat and ugly.

15
I thought I liked some asshole from middle school.

16
Became anorexic.

17
First real kiss but with someone I met online from Argentina.

18
Got drunk, danced around a fire, and attempted to go skinny dipping with my clothes on.

19
I had a purity ring, which I lost.

20
I had sex with a virgin in a hotel.

21
I slept with two guys named Chris.

22
The first date with my boyfriend, he told me loved me and I called him crazy.

23
I smashed my laptop writing an Archaeology paper and decided to major in Creative Writing instead of Anthropology.

24
Developed my ice coffee addiction, 3 a day and back seat of car full of cups.

25
My mother was diagnosed with cancer.

26
I got another pregnancy scare…

My dear

You’re funny
you’re cute
you’ve a job
that’s cool

I can’t be with you
I’m older and more arrogant
than you

I don’t know how much experience
you have but I think I have more
I have a list of things I’ve done
and know what I’m capable of

I will use you like I’ve used the rest
keep you as an option in case
it doesn’t work with someone else
hook up with you once or a couple of times
kick you to the curb and get back with someone else

Nothing you say or do will
change me
break me
convince me
phase me

I don’t care about you
I don’t even care about myself
there’s only a few people I care about enough
to make some sort of an effort not to resort back to old self
some old teachers remind me
I’m only human

College ‘memories’

First attempt at community college

It was a local school kids like me went to because they believed what their guidance counselor said, “You’re too stupid to go to a four year school.”

#1 My first year, my professor made me read my paper on my anorexia to the class. The room was silent and intense.

#2 I drove a red Buick I paid $500 for.

#3 Not doing my work or studying, academic probation.

#4 Sent my professor a nasty email claiming that he talks to us like we are high schoolers (yeah he failed me but mainly because I didn’t do my work).

#5 Took Abnormal Psychology and began to see everyone around me as lunatics.

#6 Academic probation.

#7 A year or so off of school and never going back there…

 

 

Second attempt at community college

#1 My intent was to be a Physical Education major at a school 2 hours away in the city my boyfriend lived. We broke up and I changed it to Liberal Arts: Humanities and Social Science with a concentration in Humanities. I did my entire Associates degree online.

#2 There was a lot of writing and research, if not more than what I would be doing at my next school as a writing major.

#3 My intent was to move on with a four year degree in Anthropology until I smashed my laptop one day writing a 20 page research paper in Chicago style.

#4 I met my boyfriend of five years when I was in school and no, we didn’t go to the same one but had similar history of screwing up school.

#5 I don’t remember much about the course work. I was sick a lot and gained weight but burned it off. I learned I can’t take Cipro because I get all the side effects…

#6 I was on the deans list 3 times.

#7 An agent of douchebags (an ex) fueled me to go on/finish school.

 

 

Bachelors degree at a four year school

#1 I got a scholarship for doing well at the community college.

#2 I lived on campus for a year and had my own dorm room. Sometimes my boyfriend would stay over.

#3 One night, I was drunk and he took out a wine glass out of my fridge and dropped it. We went to bed and I climbed on top of him and scratched his face. He went home, mad…

#4 I drove my Malibu that had electrical issues; sometimes the headlights and turning signal worked, sometimes it did not. I got pulled over once for it and began crying and the officer let me go.

#5 My manager at my campus catering job let us stand in the back of the truck while she drove, dyed her hair red, and showed me a butterfly cookie.

#6 A hallmate drew a penis on my board.

#7 There was a certain incident with a hot tub and someone naked, I won’t talk about.

#8 In the shower, I head out with a towel. Another girl comes in and looks at me. Later she tells my boyfriend about how perfect volume my hair is and he tells her that I’m also bisexual.

#9 Dance club for a year and half.

#10 Took 3 studio dance training classes for college credit. One class required me to develop a routine with some girls… In one I had to slow dance with one.

#11 I called my mom and said I didn’t really like men and she said, “What you’re calling to tell me you’re gay?” No, no I said something along the lines of being bisexual.

#12 Starting my own dance routine for the club and canceling it.

#13 Feeling like I was constantly being watched and followed — I was.

#14 I graduated and you couldn’t pay me to go back there for anything.

Honest Facebook profile

Does it exist? Maybe, maybe not. They only allow you to do so much. This is sort of a test for me to figure it out. I’ll try to fill it out to the best of my knowledge.

 

Intro
 

Describe who you are
(101 characters or less)

I’m a 9th house Scorpio with an Aquarius moon and rising in the 1st house. You’ll never get me.

 

Overview
 

Graduated
Studied Creative Writing at State University of New York at * in 2015.
Past: Humanities concentration: Liberal Arts and Humanities at * Community College in 2013.
* High school in 2008.

 
Kicked out of/resigned out of
Liberal Arts at * Community College in 2010.
Social Science concentration: Liberal Arts and Humanities at * Community College in 2009.
Psychology concentration: Liberal Arts at * Community College in 2009.

 

Current city
___ (Why?)

Hometown
___ (Too ashamed of the town to mention it.)

Birthday
November, 7 1989

 

Contact and Basic info
 

Basic information
Interested In: Women and Men (But no one really…)
Languages: English, know some French and Russian.
Religious views: New Age
Political party: Whatever
Description: I’m registered as a “Green” member but somedays I’m more Independent. I was previously declared “Independent”.

 

Family and Relationships

Relationship
In a relationship but it’s hidden and says I’m single? Don’t ask me why, it’s his fault for being an asshole and not accepting my relationship request.

 

Family members
You want me to list all my family members on Facebook? WHY? So you can stalk them, judge me, or judge them? I’m good. (Potentially single now for real, think I just dumped him?)

 

 

P.S. Now you figured out why I don’t say anything on Facebook anymore.

New names for myself

Bobbie
I like naming my male characters Bobbie but usually with a Y. It’d really throw people off when they figure out I have a vagina but there’s girls with the name too!

 

Daisy
I like daisies. I was going to name my future golden retriever Daisy but it fits me as well.

 

George Bennett
I’m my musician/teacher great grandfather reincarnated as a woman.

 

Lillie Summer
Okay, that’s not new. It was my nude model name.

 

Summer
My favorite season.

 

Tuesday
My father wanted to name me after the day I was born.

 

November
Lets name me after the month I was as well.

 

Autumn
I was born in autumn.

 

Alexandria
My mother originally want to name me.

 

Alex
It sounds better.

‘Make it or break it’ questions

I feel like the next time someone asks me about myself, I’m going to give them this link so I can stop explaining and answering the same questions.

 

Is that really you in your photo?
Yes.

 

What body type do you prefer?
Thin, athletic, or average.

 

Would you date someone taller?
I have in the past, so maybe.

 

Would you date someone shorter?
Men? No. Women? Maybe.

 

How often do you masturbate?
Why? This shouldn’t be public knowledge. If you’re worried about me being a porn addict or sex addict, I’m not.

 

How often do you have sex?
Not as often as you like to think.

 

Do politics interest you?
Hell no.

 

Do you believe in God?
No.

 

Do you have a religion?
No.

 

Are you spiritual?
Yes.

 

Do you eat meat?
The only meat I eat is chicken but I’m thinking about being a vegetarian.

 

Are a single parent?
No.

 

Are you looking for someone to have kids with?
No?

 

Are you monogamous?
Yes until I find out you’re cheating on me.

 

Have you ever cheated?
Years ago.

 

Will you cheat on me?
No, I’d dump you.

 

What is important to you?
Fitness and my work.

 

What is your sexual orientation?
Bisexual.

 

Does that mean you’re going to leave me for a man/woman?
No.

 

Do you have threesomes?
No.

 

Do you have an STD?
No.

 

Do you go to orgies?
No and I’ve never been to one.

 

Would you like to join my partner and I?
No.

 

Do you date a man and woman at the same time?
No, do you date two guys or two girls at the same time?

 

Why does your profile say you’re only looking for women?
Because I don’t want a man.

 

Are you gay?
No.

 

Are you experimenting?
No.
 

Is this a phase?
No.

 

How old are you?
26 years old.

 

What the fuck are you doing?
Fuck off.

Weird survey

Do you eat plastic?
No but I chew on it.

 

What is your political party?
Other.

Please specify: I don’t care.

 

What is your sexual orientation?
Other.

Please specify: Whoever I like.

 

Where do you think the country is headed?
Hell.

 

Do you own a raccoon?
No but have you seen my makeup after a wild night?

 

Do you eat tires?
No but you saw that video too?

 

Are you married?
Are you single?
 

May I have your number if any other opportunities arise?
No because I haven’t seen your picture. I don’t know if I would sleep with you.