Sandra D

My name is not Sandra Dee
Grease came out way before I was born
I grew up disliking the movie and musicals

There was this boy that called me that
or sang one of those songs from the movie
around me
I didn’t think he was funny, I ignored him
I thought he was stupid
the only D in my name was in SanDra

My middle name starts with an L
on documents I don’t spell it out
it’s not required
only family knows it’s Louise
it’s my grandmother’s middle name

My last name starts with an M
none of them have a D in it though
my mothers first name starts with a D
and my younger sisters name starts with a D

Am I pregnant?

Something happened last week. I threw up in my mouth just before work. It was a few hours after I had a flat bread pizza. I asked my mother if the sauce was bad and she said it wasn’t, she made it from scratch. Guess my child doesn’t like it. If it is my child and not some alien baby.

The next day, at 6am I vomit my ice coffee on myself just before the gym. Some say maybe I had a bad one or the creamer wasn’t any good. I’ve had my share of shitty ones and none of them would make this happen to me. It should be noted, I didn’t/don’t feel sick; it’s something that strikes me. Yesterday I stopped what I was doing at work feeling like I was going to vomit on the floor and lower back pain. I took my 15 minute break and sat in the break room. The feeling went away. I told my sister and she said “prego”. She asked me what I ate and I said crackers and Mountain Dew. My child doesn’t like it either? I shouldn’t be drinking it anyway.

I don’t think I’m pregnant. Though it’s possible. We’ve gotten less responsible and use a “natural” approach to sex. I won’t lie about it nor discuss what I mean by that. In other words, if it happens; it happens. We will deal with it then and it won’t be the worlds business what we decide to do.

She likes you

About girls who are Type passive or hard to get.

 

 

#1 She makes in fun of you.

If not in front of you, behind your back to people she knows. They know you speak funny and should consider taking more showers.

Why? She’s a bitch but she still has some brain, morals, and standards. She can’t say, “I want to sleep with you.” That’d be wrong on many levels (but mocking you and/or being two faced isn’t?)

#2 She looks at you.

You’re thinking, so people look at people or she caught me looking at her which is possible. If you’re feeling there is an attraction between you, there most likely is.

#3 How she is around you.

Sometimes she seems shy, other times not so. Sometimes she speaks without thinking. She knows what she says doesn’t really matter.

Sure

Sure,
I love you
I’ve said it many times
I was there when you needed me
though sometimes you pushed me away
I didn’t try to change you
though sometimes I felt you wanted me to change

Sure,
I haven’t seen this is my life
you in pain and crying in a hospital bed but
I’ve seen and knew worse things in my life
that had nothing to do with you

Sure,
I won’t talk about these things
and you probably know what I’m talking about anyway
and you’re like, well you’ve said and did worse things
to me too
but none of this is your fault

Sure,
It isn’t but I’ve seen symbols around me
I knew something was going to happen
but I didn’t know what
for someone that has all the answers and knows my stuff
I know nothing at all

Sure,
I had flashbacks of some events
and bad days
of the nightmare that moment
and again, I questioned everything
feeling like none of this is enough
or even right for me

Sure,
I could run or rash out like I normally do
because of these thoughts and feelings
but what good would that do
I know there’s other people out there
and I know there’s a lot of opportunities
I don’t have here
nor change because I stayed here with you

Sure,
I could change that and I probably should
I can’t see where this is headed
and if anywhere, I don’t know if I want to be
the mother or if I’m even ready for it
all my life I wanted nothing but to be free
from this world
how can I do that if I tie myself to someone?
what would be the point?
so you can leave like my father?
or I get some non-genetic cancer like my mother?
and for what?
to continue this viscous cycle that never ends

Sure,
It could end
but I prefer not to be blind sided

Love questions and predictions

Is he my soulmate?
No, if he was your soulmate you wouldn’t be asking me this question.

 

When will I meet the one?
When you stop thinking about it.

 

When are we getting married?
When he decides to commit, if ever.

 

What time are we getting married?
Never because you’re concerned with time.

 

How old will I be when I married?
Older.

 

Does he think of me?
You already know the answer to this question, you’re looking for validation.

 

Why does he message his ex?
He still has some kind of relationship with her.

Kind of shit I deal with

ba

Yeah, you should NOT be okay with seeing your father’s penis but I’m not allowed to tell you my honest opinion about this. I’m supposed to act like this doesn’t disturb or annoy me when actually it does. If you’re serious, you should seek professional help. I can’t help you.

 

c d

Actually there is everything wrong with that but I’m not authorized to tell you that. If you’re seriously a grown man who likes your wife changing your diaper and talking baby talk to you, you have a serious problem. I hope you seek professional help for this issue, and if not; I hope your wife leaves you. No one woman should have to put up with this even though she supposedly likes it.

 

I will add those next to the pile of garbage I received about a father looking at his daughters boobs and a boy who wishes he could date his hot sister.
 
The question I have is: How long do you put aside your morals, beliefs, and standards to ‘help’ someone who is either abusing the service or can’t help themselves?

Misconception about Men

“They don’t care.”
“They cheat on me.”
“They’re abusive.”

 

I sat here for once
staring at my screen
receiving nothing but messages
from men about their woman…

 

I think she’s cheating on me
she lies to me all the time
She had sex with another guy
she said he was better in bed
He probably has a bigger penis than I do
that’s why she wants him
She’s pregnant and I don’t
think I’m the father
We had a great time now she
ignores all my messages
She broke up with me for
no reason
She told me she cuts herself
but never told me why

 

I love her and would do anything for her
Me: Does she know that?
I told her, she’s my soulmate
I think about her all the time
I can’t get her out of my mind
why couldn’t she tell me?
Me: Perhaps…
I want your honest opinion
Me: Somethings not right in her head
and she’s seeing someone else

“You’re confused, you were abused”

I’m confused about what? What is going in my life? Not really because I’ve been aware of everything that is going on. Expect maybe, one thing. I don’t understand why someone wants me when I don’t want them. I’ve done everything in my power to get rid of them by blocking, deactivating, blocking, ignoring, explaining, deactivating, blocking, explaining, etc.

“You were abused.” By who? It wasn’t my father and it wasn’t my friend’s stepfather though I was in the room with her when she was molested by him at age five. He never touched me, the second I heard her crying and screaming I ran out of the house. She said it was every guy I’ve ever dated but how could she possibly know that? It’s not like I told her everything that was going on. It’s not like I acknowledged or understood anything that was going on. How could I? Everything was constantly my fault. I was fat, ugly, worthless, dumb, stupid, useless, etc. He wouldn’t say I was smart, beautiful, or pretty. He wouldn’t even tell me he loved me or kissed me yet he had no problem asking to see me when he wanted sex. I went somewhere else to fill that missing hole, to someone else that was also a piece of shit. A least this one piece of shit was honest to me. He told me from the beginning he only wanted to have sex with me. And so I did that, thinking maybe he’d change or I’d change. I’d magically grow-up one day and leave this all behind. It didn’t happen. I let him choke and slap me in bed and go behind my back to plan things I didn’t really want to do.

She thinks some miracle will happen, like I’ll meet someone and all of this trauma and difficulty will go away. Real life isn’t a movie, it doesn’t work that way but who cares what I have to say anyway?

Whatever

They say

Slow down
and tell an actual story
stop running your mouth
there’s not enough details
and you’re too weird or vague
nobody can relate

 

They say

You eat too much
you don’t eat enough
why can’t you be more ___
what is wrong with you
why don’t you care
why don’t you post anything on Facebook

 
 
Whatever

How to talk to Guys & Girls

Guys
“Hey”

 

Girls
“Hey”

 
You don’t have to start off that way, that’s only the way I do. There’s no set way to do it, no rules.
 
I’ve found guys are more likely to respond to that (friendlier? less judgmental? interested?)  than girls. If a girl isn’t interested she will ignore you and not say anything at all.

 

After “Hey,”
ask them about their day, interests, hobbies, etc
talk to them like you would with any other you met for the first time.
 

You can hit on them, say inappropriate things, or be an ass all you want but it won’t get you anywhere. You won’t even get them to meet you for coffee or a drink.