She is intense and mysterious
she enjoys sex
if it’s not forced
and there is a connection
she doesn’t like being told
what to do
who to be
how to react
why things are or aren’t
when to come home or leave
she may be possessive
but she needs her freedom
when she loves she loves strongly
it hardly happens for her
she has a wall
no one can knock it down
or she thinks
she doesn’t feel
she can’t love
but often finds herself with
the wrong people
all she really wants
is someone to get her
not completely though
that would be scary
and for someone to
be like a best friend
no lies or deceit
when they commit fully
“Kiss me,” he said.
I did and felt nothing.
It was like kissing a statue.
It’d be better if it was a statue.
The statue wouldn’t chase me forever.
He took my clothes off.
I did it without feeling a thing.
I thought ‘what the hell am I doing?’
I stopped in the middle of it.
I said I was burning though I wasn’t.
He believed me.
He asked me, “Would you have married me if I asked you too?”
I said, “Probably not. I don’t think I was ready for marriage.”
I made an excuse to leave and left.
I don’t know
who he is
stares at me
with his girlfriend
sitting next to him
a single word
but they don’t say
a single word
it’s ‘not a crime’
and doesn’t matter
he’s presence affects
my mental health
I’ve had a man
with the same
he left me
sexually abused me
threatened to kill me
He was someone I knew
not a stranger
like this man is
I am forced to be silent
about this issue
among other things
To be continued
He asks me
what do you drive
what do you do
where do you live
when am I going to see you?
I don’t respond
he tells me nothing about him
all I have is images
of fifty shades of gray
in my head
I thought if I wanted that
I would have chose him
but I didn’t
My name is not Sandra Dee
Grease came out way before I was born
I grew up disliking the movie and musicals
There was this boy that called me that
or sang one of those songs from the movie
I didn’t think he was funny, I ignored him
I thought he was stupid
the only D in my name was in SanDra
My middle name starts with an L
on documents I don’t spell it out
it’s not required
only family knows it’s Louise
it’s my grandmother’s middle name
My last name starts with an M
none of them have a D in it though
my mothers first name starts with a D
and my younger sisters name starts with a D
Something happened last week. I threw up in my mouth just before work. It was a few hours after I had a flat bread pizza. I asked my mother if the sauce was bad and she said it wasn’t, she made it from scratch. Guess my child doesn’t like it. If it is my child and not some alien baby.
The next day, at 6am I vomit my ice coffee on myself just before the gym. Some say maybe I had a bad one or the creamer wasn’t any good. I’ve had my share of shitty ones and none of them would make this happen to me. It should be noted, I didn’t/don’t feel sick; it’s something that strikes me. Yesterday I stopped what I was doing at work feeling like I was going to vomit on the floor and lower back pain. I took my 15 minute break and sat in the break room. The feeling went away. I told my sister and she said “prego”. She asked me what I ate and I said crackers and Mountain Dew. My child doesn’t like it either? I shouldn’t be drinking it anyway.
I don’t think I’m pregnant. Though it’s possible. We’ve gotten less responsible and use a “natural” approach to sex. I won’t lie about it nor discuss what I mean by that. In other words, if it happens; it happens. We will deal with it then and it won’t be the worlds business what we decide to do.
About girls who are Type passive or hard to get.
#1 She makes in fun of you.
If not in front of you, behind your back to people she knows. They know you speak funny and should consider taking more showers.
Why? She’s a bitch but she still has some brain, morals, and standards. She can’t say, “I want to sleep with you.” That’d be wrong on many levels (but mocking you and/or being two faced isn’t?)
#2 She looks at you.
You’re thinking, so people look at people or she caught me looking at her which is possible. If you’re feeling there is an attraction between you, there most likely is.
#3 How she is around you.
Sometimes she seems shy, other times not so. Sometimes she speaks without thinking. She knows what she says doesn’t really matter.
I love you
I’ve said it many times
I was there when you needed me
though sometimes you pushed me away
I didn’t try to change you
though sometimes I felt you wanted me to change
I haven’t seen this is my life
you in pain and crying in a hospital bed but
I’ve seen and knew worse things in my life
that had nothing to do with you
I won’t talk about these things
and you probably know what I’m talking about anyway
and you’re like, well you’ve said and did worse things
to me too
but none of this is your fault
It isn’t but I’ve seen symbols around me
I knew something was going to happen
but I didn’t know what
for someone that has all the answers and knows my stuff
I know nothing at all
I had flashbacks of some events
and bad days
of the nightmare that moment
and again, I questioned everything
feeling like none of this is enough
or even right for me
I could run or rash out like I normally do
because of these thoughts and feelings
but what good would that do
I know there’s other people out there
and I know there’s a lot of opportunities
I don’t have here
nor change because I stayed here with you
I could change that and I probably should
I can’t see where this is headed
and if anywhere, I don’t know if I want to be
the mother or if I’m even ready for it
all my life I wanted nothing but to be free
from this world
how can I do that if I tie myself to someone?
what would be the point?
so you can leave like my father?
or I get some non-genetic cancer like my mother?
and for what?
to continue this viscous cycle that never ends
It could end
but I prefer not to be blind sided
Is he my soulmate?
No, if he was your soulmate you wouldn’t be asking me this question.
When will I meet the one?
When you stop thinking about it.
When are we getting married?
When he decides to commit, if ever.
What time are we getting married?
Never because you’re concerned with time.
How old will I be when I married?
Does he think of me?
You already know the answer to this question, you’re looking for validation.
Why does he message his ex?
He still has some kind of relationship with her.
Yeah, you should NOT be okay with seeing your father’s penis but I’m not allowed to tell you my honest opinion about this. I’m supposed to act like this doesn’t disturb or annoy me when actually it does. If you’re serious, you should seek professional help. I can’t help you.
Actually there is everything wrong with that but I’m not authorized to tell you that. If you’re seriously a grown man who likes your wife changing your diaper and talking baby talk to you, you have a serious problem. I hope you seek professional help for this issue, and if not; I hope your wife leaves you. No one woman should have to put up with this even though she supposedly likes it.
I will add those next to the pile of garbage I received about a father looking at his daughters boobs and a boy who wishes he could date his hot sister.
The question I have is: How long do you put aside your morals, beliefs, and standards to ‘help’ someone who is either abusing the service or can’t help themselves?