Completing drafts

I don’t
give a fuck

 

If I write a poem for my boyfriend
it’d be a simple “I love you” note
on a plate of brownies
’cause I know my man
he don’t want no poem
and won’t read it

 

Why my writing
sucks?
I spit it out

 

The love of my life
is Starbucks
coffee frappuccino
with coconut milk

 

Drive by agent
drives by my house
to see if I’m there
passes by me
on my way to town
makes it look like
he’s doing his job
not stalking me
but he is
he wouldn’t say a word
to me, hasn’t in years
he watches and follows me
when I drive

 

What I learned from 90s shows
It’s okay to kiss other people if you’re in a relationship, you’re going to marry your boyfriend/girlfriend anyway. -Boy meets world. Television sucks, it gives you dreams and situations that will never happen.

 

Signs your girlfriend hates you
she ignores you
your nickname is asshole, douchebag, jackass, moron, dumbass, etc
she texts other guys
she is sleeping with other guys or thinking about it
you get pity and drunk sex
she’s bored

Smalle is back

He looks at me
like I haven’t
seen you in forever
you look good
I want to bang you
you want to bang me?

I just keep walking
why don’t you want me?
is it because I blocked and unblocked you?
you were cheating on me
you thought I was doing something
is it because I sucked in bed?
you liked it

Yeah, I wanted you
but it never would have gotten anywhere
I didn’t love you like I loved him

You could have

Some things aren’t meant to be
I know but why do I still want you?
tell me, do you still want me too?

Sexually, we’ve always had a strong attraction
but I cannot
why not?
it’s playing with fire

When I was

1
My mother dressed me in pink because it made me happy.

2
I drank my father’s beer thinking it was Pepsi.

3
I pushed a boy off his bike because my oldest sister told me too.

4
A boy kissed me and I thought I was pregnant.

5
I fell asleep on the bus and missed my stop — on my birthday.

6
I told someone in class, “I make my barbies have sex” and she ratted on me — I still thought sex was kissing.

7
My best friend’s last name was Lemonhart.

8
I learned how to swim.

9
“Hey Arnold” came out, I liked Helga because she reminded me of me.

10
I danced “Opps I did it again” in a talent show.

11
I vandalized a park with toilet paper, broke a fountain, and had an angry mob chase after me and my friend.

12
Dealt with being the new kid in school and questioned why I pretended to like someone I didn’t like.

13
I had the first boy to cheat on me and the first boy I’d have to dump.

14
I ran track, I hate it, and everyone hated me; I was slow and they mocked me for being fat and ugly.

15
I thought I liked some asshole from middle school.

16
Became anorexic.

17
First real kiss but with someone I met online from Argentina.

18
Got drunk, danced around a fire, and attempted to go skinny dipping with my clothes on.

19
I had a purity ring, which I lost.

20
I had sex with a virgin in a hotel.

21
I slept with two guys named Chris.

22
The first date with my boyfriend, he told me loved me and I called him crazy.

23
I smashed my laptop writing an Archaeology paper and decided to major in Creative Writing instead of Anthropology.

24
Developed my ice coffee addiction, 3 a day and back seat of car full of cups.

25
My mother was diagnosed with cancer.

26
I got another pregnancy scare…

My dear

You’re funny
you’re cute
you’ve a job
that’s cool

I can’t be with you
I’m older and more arrogant
than you

I don’t know how much experience
you have but I think I have more
I have a list of things I’ve done
and know what I’m capable of

I will use you like I’ve used the rest
keep you as an option in case
it doesn’t work with someone else
hook up with you once or a couple of times
kick you to the curb and get back with someone else

Nothing you say or do will
change me
break me
convince me
phase me

I don’t care about you
I don’t even care about myself
there’s only a few people I care about enough
to make some sort of an effort not to resort back to old self
some old teachers remind me
I’m only human

Sandra D

My name is not Sandra Dee
Grease came out way before I was born
I grew up disliking the movie and musicals

There was this boy that called me that
or sang one of those songs from the movie
around me
I didn’t think he was funny, I ignored him
I thought he was stupid
the only D in my name was in SanDra

My middle name starts with an L
on documents I don’t spell it out
it’s not required
only family knows it’s Louise
it’s my grandmother’s middle name

My last name starts with an M
none of them have a D in it though
my mothers first name starts with a D
and my younger sisters name starts with a D

We’re not the same

I’m blonde, she’s brunette
I’m tan, she’s white as a vampire
I like to go outside, she does not
I have green eyes, she has brown eyes
I’m 5’4, she’s 5’3
I’m 26, she’s 22
I’m a Scorpio, she’s a Pisces
I have tattoos, she does not

We have the same mother and father
I was older when they separated
We have the same job
and we’re from the same town
We have our nose pierced
mine is on the left
hers is on the right
I have a star shaped stud in
she took her circle stud out

I have a Bachelors degree in Creative Writing
she doesn’t plan to get a Bachelors in anything
We have Associate degrees
It took me longer to get it and I’ve gone to a different school
My AA was concentrated in Humanities
hers was concentrated in Social Science
I finished my entire AA online and got on Deans list numerous times
she did not

She had the same boyfriend since high school
I did not
I didn’t really have a boyfriend in high school
or friends for that matter

I’ve been with more people and had a far more questionable
love life
she’s been stable and committed in her relationship
they just got a house together

I’ve travelled to more places than she has
she choose not too
I’ve had more drunk experiences
she hasn’t really drank that much
I don’t drink much anymore
she still doesn’t either

She is vegan
I am not
I don’t most meat, however;
because I do not and have not really ever liked it

I am spiritual
I believe in Astrology, Paranormal, and Past lives
she does not
she has less faith
and interest in those things

I like History, especially Ancient and Philosophy
she doesn’t
I couldn’t tell you what she likes
the last thing I remembered is her making videos
with anime characters on Sony Vegas
or knitting something with my mother

I couldn’t tell you what songs she likes
all I know it is nothing I really listen too
and she most likely thinks and feels the same thing
about me

I joke about everything
she tends to be more serious
she doesn’t appreciate my jokes
and I continue to make them anyway
she is my sister and should understand
more so than the people who think
we are the same

Really going on

The truth is, I can’t tell you.
I don’t like what I do.
I’m not happy with what I do.
If anything I’m disgusted with what I do.
All it is a paycheck to me.
I know I can’t make plans or have a future without it.
I ask myself if it’s worth it and I don’t know why, it’s not.
I was happier when I was broke, having very little to get by.
I had less stress and conflict in my life.
I could actually see my boyfriend, eat, and sleep like a normal person.
I get a few hours now.
In the morning, I don’t induce vomiting yet still throw up my coffee.
I don’t think it’s the coffee.
I know nothing I do is worth it yet I do it anyway.
It’s no longer clear to me what or who I am fighting for.
Besides to get the hell away from this place.
 

Sure

Sure,
I love you
I’ve said it many times
I was there when you needed me
though sometimes you pushed me away
I didn’t try to change you
though sometimes I felt you wanted me to change

Sure,
I haven’t seen this is my life
you in pain and crying in a hospital bed but
I’ve seen and knew worse things in my life
that had nothing to do with you

Sure,
I won’t talk about these things
and you probably know what I’m talking about anyway
and you’re like, well you’ve said and did worse things
to me too
but none of this is your fault

Sure,
It isn’t but I’ve seen symbols around me
I knew something was going to happen
but I didn’t know what
for someone that has all the answers and knows my stuff
I know nothing at all

Sure,
I had flashbacks of some events
and bad days
of the nightmare that moment
and again, I questioned everything
feeling like none of this is enough
or even right for me

Sure,
I could run or rash out like I normally do
because of these thoughts and feelings
but what good would that do
I know there’s other people out there
and I know there’s a lot of opportunities
I don’t have here
nor change because I stayed here with you

Sure,
I could change that and I probably should
I can’t see where this is headed
and if anywhere, I don’t know if I want to be
the mother or if I’m even ready for it
all my life I wanted nothing but to be free
from this world
how can I do that if I tie myself to someone?
what would be the point?
so you can leave like my father?
or I get some non-genetic cancer like my mother?
and for what?
to continue this viscous cycle that never ends

Sure,
It could end
but I prefer not to be blind sided

Whatever

They say

Slow down
and tell an actual story
stop running your mouth
there’s not enough details
and you’re too weird or vague
nobody can relate

 

They say

You eat too much
you don’t eat enough
why can’t you be more ___
what is wrong with you
why don’t you care
why don’t you post anything on Facebook

 
 
Whatever