Agent of Douche

I drove by his house today, in the first time I can’t tell you how long. He had a garbage bin in the middle of the road. I thought about running it over but then if something happened, I would have to talk to him. I haven’t talked, seen, nor heard from him in years; for years. I haven’t fully told anyone what happened between us because that’d make me look like a number of things I wasn’t. I’d rather have them think the relationship ended when I was some drunk airhead in my early twenties. I blabbed about Kesha, turned over to look at him and spilled his beer. He broke up with me the next day because I didn’t clean it up.

I never told anyone about the times we hooked up after. At that point I was living on my own and in college and things went south in my relationship. I met him one day when I was walking to the lake — he was driving in his border patrol car to it because that’s his fucking job. He was surprised and asked to see me later. Of course I did. How could I not? I had a lot of fun with this man before our true colors came out. We went out drinking, bonfires, kayaking, motorcycle rides, shooting guns, etc. And so we hung out in his new hot tub, naked; and went upstairs to have sex. It was passionate but not passionate enough to convince me he was the one. It reminded me of that night in December, I slept with him and told him I loved someone else and felt guilty after. Yet, I still did it a couple more times until he put the idea in my head we were nothing but fuck buddies. That’s not what I wanted nor intended but I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. The last time we spoke was text, he probably said something cocky and I went off on a tangent. We both walked away…

 

(Yeah, I ran into one too many exs one way or another today.)

Magic vs the Real world

Closet 

Leads to a magical world the protagonist(s) only know about.

 

In real life

You would think clothes, shoes, and junk back there. You’d be surprised how many people have sex, hide someone back there, and do a number of things we don’t want to know about. I wonder why we try to teach the children it leads to a magical world…

 

Invisibility

No one can physically see you so you can do whatever you want.

 

In real life

You may feel invisible but people can see you, especially if you make an ass out of yourself. You can ‘disappear’ by removing yourself from unpleasant people, things, or situations.

 

Carpet

It can fly, don’t need a car.

 

In real life

If I sat on a carpet and waited for it to fly, people would ask what is wrong with me. Out of all the things I could fly if magic was real, why a carpet? The only thing magical about is it captures water and crumbs I have to vacuum later.

 

Spells

Say something right, and you get it?

 

In real life

I wrote a bunch of poetry, why don’t I have anything I wrote about in it? Words aren’t enough. You have to make it happen.

 

 

Thoughts about the election

I’m aware I said I was going to let my URL expire, and I did. I haven’t decided yet if I’m creating a new one and so I am here to talk about the bullshit going on.

 

#1 If so many of you have an issue with Trump, why didn’t you vote?
I can’t tell you how many people I came across that said they didn’t vote, though they are registered and had nothing going on that’d prevent them from taking a few minutes out of their day to mark a sheet of paper. You can’t expect someone to win a election if you don’t vote for them. Then piss, moan, and start a riot over it like an child.

 

#2 Not happy with the result? Change it.
Go sign the petition https://www.change.org/p/electoral-college-electors-electoral-college-make-hillary-clinton-president-on-december-19. It probably won’t do anything about it given the rules set in the system for two hundred years. You could start another protest though all it would do is annoy the shit out of people. You could plan for the future so something like this doesn’t happen again.

 

#3 Take in consideration of what you’re asking people to do and if you would seriously do it in their shoes.
If you liked the person you originally voted for or pledged to, would you change the vote? Hell no. Would a bunch of protesters yelling at you, sending you messages, etc change your vote? Nope. What would you think of it? It’s ridiculous they expect me to change my view, sacrifice my job, and/or pay a fine for them because they don’t like the candidate. They wouldn’t do the same for me, why should I do it for them? I shouldn’t. I have nothing to gain from it. When are these people going to move on, grow up, and stop acting like children.

 

#4 I’m not crazy about who won either (and I did vote, for Hillary)
You don’t see me going around making a scene, posting about it on social media, or complaining to everyone I know about it. Why? Because that’s not me. He did say a lot of things I didn’t agree with either. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad man, but maybe a bad mouth. I don’t know him very well, I just know what I’ve heard. I know you shouldn’t a judge a person by their words but actions. Wait to see his actions, not words. Everyone deserves a chance. And if you disagree, do something to change it. Don’t go around like an angry child. It shows you’re the bad one, not him. Just my opinion nobody asked for but we all get sick of the nonsense.

Walk Away

I could say hello but I’m not interested in small talk
seeing your number makes me want to vomit
seeing your face makes me want to bash it in a million pieces

 

I could explain why I stopped talking to you out of the blue
but I refuse to be interrogated for something I didn’t do

 

I could rant on and on about the things you said and did
that no other man, a stable respectful man would do
you want to say it’s part of your culture or religion
if that were true, you give your people a bad name

 

You don’t listen or take a clue

 

I told you numerous times
you and I would never work out
I don’t like high heels
I don’t want your hands around my neck
I don’t appreciate the comments about
you having a threesome with my younger sister and I

 

I would never convert to Islam
or make an effort to learn your language
you forced high heels on my feet like I was
Cinderella and you were Prince Charming
(yeah, right)
you choked me and slapped my face
you showed me a knife and made a joke
about taking my life
I saw less and less of you
you began to stalk my younger sister and
her friends on Facebook
I told you that was the last straw

 

I told you I didn’t like you as much as you liked me
you proceeded to ask me out
I walked away without answering your requests to see you again
or answering your question, “Do you have someone else?”
I responded, “None of your business.”

Things guys don’t quite understand

I just came home, don’t talk to me

Especially joke. Chances are I’m hungry, tired, or miserable. If I was happy, you would know it — then and only then say whatever you want.

 

I can tell you’re looking at me

I get it, it’s normal to look at someone if they appear somewhat attractive, interesting, or weird. You could at least not make it obvious you are looking.

 

If I don’t laugh, I don’t think you’re funny

Just strange or annoying.

 

I can’t look you in the eye

I’m telling you what you want to hear to get you off my back. I’m clearly not interested.

 

If I laugh, I might like you

I’m not going to make the next move, it’s up to you.

 

If I have another man, it shouldn’t stop you

Just because I have a man doesn’t mean I’m going to stay with him forever. There is nothing wrong with us talking, it’s not like we are going to have sex.

 

I didn’t ‘fix’ myself for you

My hair looks good. My clothes look good. I didn’t do it for you, boo. I’m either going somewhere and/or did it for the hell of it — because that is how I am.

Useless, disappointing.

I try every day to talk

you got nothing to say

If I express anything

I think or feel

you don’t listen

 

Try to kiss your face

you grab your hand

and push me away

 

I can’t hug you

I can’t kiss you

I can’t tell you this bothers me

you never listen

you never care

 

Week by week

I cry laying in the bed

next to you

you move my body

towards yours to see

if I’m crying

yet you never ask me why

 

You continue to ignore me

 

That isn’t the worse thing

being around you

 

It is the fact

I can’t talk to anyone

about this

I have to put on a face

and pretend everything

is alright

 

I know they don’t like you

I know they don’t understand

why I’m with you

I’m nothing like you

I am just trying to fix

something I can’t fix

 

I’m not happy

so here comes

the breaking point

Yet again

I’ll pretend

I’m not drowning

 

It’s ashame I don’t care

enough about myself

to say this is useless

and disappointing

 

I am sure there

will come

a day

 

That Girl

Looks nothing like me.

She’s a more attractive and less annoying version of me.

Probably because she’s an image. 

 

We never met, probably because she would tell me to go fuck myself.

Scratch that, she wouldn’t say that because she knows I just might.

Then, look at me like I am fucking stupid.

 

Sounds nothing like me.

How I speak in public and how I speak and real life aren’t the same.

Public I’m more awkward and quiet.

In reality, my voice is more annoying.

 

Short conversations and inappropriate conversations only.

Guess that is how the person behind the image rolls.

 

Who knows.

I don’t know.

That girl.

Behind the photo.

 

 

 

For Real

I didn’t want to be a writer or artist…

 

I was taught…

Writers are losers.

Artists are nutcases.

 

In primary/secondary school…

It was not cool to be one of them.

 

 

Dare I read something on the bus or at the library I had… “Nerd,” on my forehead.

Dare I write a story about devils or my crushes name in my notebook, I was a “Freak.”

And then some million other things. Jist of it was — be athletic. You’ll fit right in or maybe they will be scared of you and leave you alone.

So I did that. I joined a team and took up hardcore fitness. Then all of a sudden my new names were, “Weirdo, Freak, Nerd, Pathetic, Fat, Skinny, Anorexic, Bulimic, Ugly, Disgusting, Lame, Loser, and Stupid.”

 

There goes my real dreams of being a Musician or Dancer.

Not to mention, I couldn’t exactly sing or play an instrument. I could dance though. I didn’t attend dance classes as a child. My mother couldn’t afford it. My loser father would always take her paycheck and gamble it all away in a heartbeat.

 

So what about the Writer and Artist?

Everyone now just thinks it’s a dream and I enjoy doing this because that is pretty much all I am doing. But lets be honest, I am doing this because this is now all I an do. Sure I can dance but I live in a small town in the middle of no where. I have zero connections and money to go try to pursue a career in it. I can, however, if I am lucky — teach at a local gym somewhere.

It’s not like I can add, multiple, subtract, and divide numbers — without a calculator. I was never good at Math. In fact, I did Math backwards since Elementary school — I had a teacher that specialized in that help me.

 

For Real…

My dream is, I don’t have a dream. I just want to be happy… isn’t that everyone, normal person wants?  To be happy, love, and get love in return.

 

So why is it so difficult?

Not everyone sees and feels… they think they do.

 

Facebook and Twitter Etiquette For Dummies

Facebook

 

Who to add…

People you actually know or met. There’s no problem adding ‘fans’ or ‘strangers’ if you know they aren’t some psychopath, criminal, or pervert — and you actually talked to them somewhere.

 

Try not to add…

Colleagues, professors, bosses, or co-workers. It is weird for them, and it is weird for you. If you do, do both of you a favor and don’t complain about work, life, or relationships. You have to be ‘professional’.

 

Avoid comments turning into a…

Private message or forum. Then everyone gets to know your business, thoughts, and feelings. That’s not something you want…

 

Status overload…

Selfies, rants, videos, or articles. Although some people like it, not everyone is going to. And yeah, yeah… there’s that whole ‘I don’t care if they like it or not’ — and right you shouldn’t!

…You’re entitled to your thoughts, feelings, and what you put out there. You don’t need to constantly share it with people who may be shallow or just not care.

 

 

Twitter

 

Follow…

Whoever you want.

 

Post…

Whatever you want. But if you’re posting twenty tweets every hour maybe you need to rethink…

 

Don’t post…

Whatever you want. You know you’re reaching more people then Facebook, right? If you start hate talking people, spreading conspiracies, and terror — the government will find you.

 

Telling people to follow you…

They will follow you. It’s okay, it’s fine for business — a lot of people have done it. However, there’s people that become OBSESSED with how many followers they get. It becomes a drug. It can turn a good person into a narcissistic, just like Facebook.

 

 

Facebook and Twitter…

 

This is just words from a persons experience. Everyone is different.

…How obsessed are you with getting likes, comments, tweets, and re-tweets?

What. Why.
Who cares? You shouldn’t care.
They don’t really care.
You know who cares…

How diets work

I’ll just eat less today.

Stuffs face with potato chips and pizza.

 

Maybe, if I ate more veggies…

Has a side of chocolate cake instead.

 

I’ll drink less alcohol.

Skips getting drunk once for a weekend.

 

I’ll stop eating so much junk.

Eats donuts for breakfast, McDonalds for lunch, snacks on candy the rest of the day until dinner… tacos.

 

Maybe, if I ate more protein.

Reeses is protein right? It has peanut butter.

 

I should stop drinking so much soda.

Replaces regular soda with diet.

 

I could stop drinking so much coffee.

LOL. I am not cutting back on my coffee.