Boy

has seizures
in the middle
of the night
he dreams of a girl
he can never have
she is married to
another man
he tries but can’t
find the words
besides
‘you’re pretty’
he can’t say it
to her face
he might explode
and die
unaware she likes
him too

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Stranger

I don’t know
who he is
he follows
stares at me
alone or
with his girlfriend
sitting next to him
we haven’t
exchanged
a single word

People notice
but they don’t say
a single word
it’s ‘not a crime’
and doesn’t matter
he’s presence affects
my mental health

I’ve had a man
with the same
blonde hair
blue eyes
follow me
for years
he left me
traumatized
after he
sexually abused me
threatened to kill me

He was someone I knew
personally
not a stranger
like this man is

I am forced to be silent
about this issue
among other things

To be continued

She returns

I remember her
her green eyes
her blonde hair
her lips on my lips
her body on mine
the golden bikini
she wore the first time
I saw her dance

I watched her
year after year
closer than
he ever did
every time they fought
she came to me
I told her nothing
of myself
but listened to her
I showed her a knife
and said I’d kill her
if she leaves me for him
she did anyway

I messaged her
year after year
waiting for a response
from her
it never came
until one day she said
“I’m married” to him

I hoped she said
“I’m getting a divorce,
you were right he’s not the one
you were some much better in bed”
she said nothing about us

He returns

He asks me
what do you drive
what do you do
where do you live
when am I going to see you?
I don’t respond
he tells me nothing about him
all I have is images
of fifty shades of gray
in my head
I thought if I wanted that
I would have chose him
but I didn’t

Magic vs the Real world

Closet 

Leads to a magical world the protagonist(s) only know about.

 

In real life

You would think clothes, shoes, and junk back there. You’d be surprised how many people have sex, hide someone back there, and do a number of things we don’t want to know about. I wonder why we try to teach the children it leads to a magical world…

 

Invisibility

No one can physically see you so you can do whatever you want.

 

In real life

You may feel invisible but people can see you, especially if you make an ass out of yourself. You can ‘disappear’ by removing yourself from unpleasant people, things, or situations.

 

Carpet

It can fly, don’t need a car.

 

In real life

If I sat on a carpet and waited for it to fly, people would ask what is wrong with me. Out of all the things I could fly if magic was real, why a carpet? The only thing magical about is it captures water and crumbs I have to vacuum later.

 

Spells

Say something right, and you get it?

 

In real life

I wrote a bunch of poetry, why don’t I have anything I wrote about in it? Words aren’t enough. You have to make it happen.

 

 

Thoughts about the election

I’m aware I said I was going to let my URL expire, and I did. I haven’t decided yet if I’m creating a new one and so I am here to talk about the bullshit going on.

 

#1 If so many of you have an issue with Trump, why didn’t you vote?
I can’t tell you how many people I came across that said they didn’t vote, though they are registered and had nothing going on that’d prevent them from taking a few minutes out of their day to mark a sheet of paper. You can’t expect someone to win a election if you don’t vote for them. Then piss, moan, and start a riot over it like an child.

 

#2 Not happy with the result? Change it.
Go sign the petition https://www.change.org/p/electoral-college-electors-electoral-college-make-hillary-clinton-president-on-december-19. It probably won’t do anything about it given the rules set in the system for two hundred years. You could start another protest though all it would do is annoy the shit out of people. You could plan for the future so something like this doesn’t happen again.

 

#3 Take in consideration of what you’re asking people to do and if you would seriously do it in their shoes.
If you liked the person you originally voted for or pledged to, would you change the vote? Hell no. Would a bunch of protesters yelling at you, sending you messages, etc change your vote? Nope. What would you think of it? It’s ridiculous they expect me to change my view, sacrifice my job, and/or pay a fine for them because they don’t like the candidate. They wouldn’t do the same for me, why should I do it for them? I shouldn’t. I have nothing to gain from it. When are these people going to move on, grow up, and stop acting like children.

 

#4 I’m not crazy about who won either (and I did vote, for Hillary)
You don’t see me going around making a scene, posting about it on social media, or complaining to everyone I know about it. Why? Because that’s not me. He did say a lot of things I didn’t agree with either. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad man, but maybe a bad mouth. I don’t know him very well, I just know what I’ve heard. I know you shouldn’t a judge a person by their words but actions. Wait to see his actions, not words. Everyone deserves a chance. And if you disagree, do something to change it. Don’t go around like an angry child. It shows you’re the bad one, not him. Just my opinion nobody asked for but we all get sick of the nonsense.

Why I’m letting this expire

It’s time to move on.
I don’t see the point in writing randomly like I have been. Besides a small audience and some likes, I don’t gain that much of it. None of you know who I am (though you’ve read about it), I get zero profit for it and little recognition. I went in knowing all this and not expecting anything in return. Now I have to think more about how I manage my free time, spend my money, and what other goals I have in life that don’t involve survival or money. I would like to sell some of my work and write the novel I told my mother I was going to write when she was nearly dying of cancer last year (she’s no longer in remission so it’s possible the nightmare will start over). It forces me to think about everything in my life. I go on the defense and survival mode (if you don’t know what that means don’t read this nor talk to me — I think you’re an idiot and don’t care if you think I’m a bitch).

 

What will become of this?

I could pay for it to be renewed but I’m not going too. I could give it a new name but I don’t want too. I could create a new one with a specific/tighter focus but I don’t have the time for it. This is not a good time for me to manage a website. Anything you would get from me in writing would be more nonsense or things you don’t follow or relate too.

 

I’m sorry but not so sorry that this isn’t a funny or positive post. The truth is, I’m just done. It’s nothing you or anyone did. I can’t stay with this website or blog forever. I’ve outgrown it. Thank you all for watching the madness.

 

Note: The first category on this website was called, “C’est la vie” 

Sure

Sure,
I love you
I’ve said it many times
I was there when you needed me
though sometimes you pushed me away
I didn’t try to change you
though sometimes I felt you wanted me to change

Sure,
I haven’t seen this is my life
you in pain and crying in a hospital bed but
I’ve seen and knew worse things in my life
that had nothing to do with you

Sure,
I won’t talk about these things
and you probably know what I’m talking about anyway
and you’re like, well you’ve said and did worse things
to me too
but none of this is your fault

Sure,
It isn’t but I’ve seen symbols around me
I knew something was going to happen
but I didn’t know what
for someone that has all the answers and knows my stuff
I know nothing at all

Sure,
I had flashbacks of some events
and bad days
of the nightmare that moment
and again, I questioned everything
feeling like none of this is enough
or even right for me

Sure,
I could run or rash out like I normally do
because of these thoughts and feelings
but what good would that do
I know there’s other people out there
and I know there’s a lot of opportunities
I don’t have here
nor change because I stayed here with you

Sure,
I could change that and I probably should
I can’t see where this is headed
and if anywhere, I don’t know if I want to be
the mother or if I’m even ready for it
all my life I wanted nothing but to be free
from this world
how can I do that if I tie myself to someone?
what would be the point?
so you can leave like my father?
or I get some non-genetic cancer like my mother?
and for what?
to continue this viscous cycle that never ends

Sure,
It could end
but I prefer not to be blind sided

Just my beliefs

If eating animals are wrong, why aren’t eating plants wrong?
They’re living, breathing things too. We don’t know if they think, feel, or speak. Because we can’t hear them, read their mind, or feel their pulse doesn’t mean they’re less of a living thing than we are.

 

I would vote for cockroaches for president before Trump.
Cockroaches can live through wars. If we elect cockroaches as our president, we’d have no other option then to get our shit together or leave the country. Something we need to do but haven’t had anything kick us in the ass yet.

 


What I eat isn’t due to my…
Lifestyle choice, religion, or how I was raised.

I eat what I want, when I want I don’t think that much about it. Maybe I had in the past when I had health/body issues. Obviously, I’m not going to touch something I don’t like or is loaded in fat and grease.

I’m not religious. Me eating not eating meat has nothing to do with me being Atheist, Christian, or Buddhist because I’m not. I’m sure some religions have diet restrictions set in them, don’t ask me because I walked out of my “World Religions” class in the beginning of my college career — it put me to sleep.

My mother raised me to eat right or whatever she put in front of me until I was a certain age. She stopped fighting with me to ‘eat right’ and let do what I want.

 

I think Astrology is a tool to help you understand yourself and people around you, it’s not an exact science or anything to live by.
I don’t care if you believe in Astrology or not — or how much you know about it. If you call me crazy or act like the sun sign is the most important factor in understanding yourself/someone/compatibility, I have little to no interest in talking to you. Closed minded or arrogant people piss me off.

 

I believe past life regressions help you understand where you come from but it’s not by any means, something to take to heart.
There is no evidence to say whether or not reincarnation is real — and you can’t worry so much about who you were or what you did in your past life it’s not who you are today.

 

Who people marry, what they do with their lives, or whatever is none of my concern/business.
We live in a fucked up time period and world where everyone needs to know everyone else’s business because of social media. Before social media, we went about our lives the natural way. Once people were out of lives, they were OUT. Sometimes we’d get a phone call or letter from them if they were anywhere significant in our life. If you “followed” someone the natural way, you’d be stalking them which is illegal.