The contract

You are free to do what you please if you abide by these rules:


1. Give me money I don’t really need to pay off a loan.

2. Only talk to me during specific times, I can’t be bothered by your nonsense unless it involves money.

3. No talking or looking at the opposite sex unless it involves work.

4. The opposite sex can’t talk or look at you because I will kick his ass.

5. If you cheat on me, I’ll either end it or get even.

6. You have to pay attention to me when I want it or I’ll get mad.

7. Don’t bother me with what goes on in your life.

8. Don’t talk about emotions.

9. Follow these rules or I’ll threaten divorce.

10. If you want a divorce, find a place to live and I’ll send the papers.


When you refuse birth control

What form of birth control are you using?




You don’t use condoms, the pill, or patch?




You got a girlfriend, boyfriend?


No girlfriend, boyfriend.


You never know these days.


You wonder why the hell the doctor assumed you were gay because you denied birth control. I mean, maybe you don’t have sex, physically can’t get pregnant, or prefer the withdrawal method? Whatever. It wouldn’t be the doctor’s business either way. You didn’t go to the doctors to discuss/get on birth control. But because it was a checkup and you’re a woman, you get asked about it. If you were a man, you wouldn’t.

She likes you

About girls who are Type passive or hard to get.



#1 She makes in fun of you.

If not in front of you, behind your back to people she knows. They know you speak funny and should consider taking more showers.

Why? She’s a bitch but she still has some brain, morals, and standards. She can’t say, “I want to sleep with you.” That’d be wrong on many levels (but mocking you and/or being two faced isn’t?)

#2 She looks at you.

You’re thinking, so people look at people or she caught me looking at her which is possible. If you’re feeling there is an attraction between you, there most likely is.

#3 How she is around you.

Sometimes she seems shy, other times not so. Sometimes she speaks without thinking. She knows what she says doesn’t really matter.

Given $6 for answering

I don’t know why you contact someone to tell you what you already know… Oh, because you think I’m psychic.


Lady: Does he still think of me?
Me: How long were you together?


Lady: We weren’t together, we only texted.
Me: Yes he still thinks of you.


Lady: How does he think of me, does he miss me?
Me: He thinks of you as an option.


Lady: Like he is using me or sex?
Me: Yes.


Lady: Do you see him coming back?
Me: Yes but you don’t need that. You need someone that will see you.


Lady: He doesn’t want to see me? Why?
Me: It’s not that he doesn’t, it’s that he hasn’t. He has something going on he’s not telling you about.


Lady: Was I right to leave him?
Me: Yes.

Misconception about Men

“They don’t care.”
“They cheat on me.”
“They’re abusive.”


I sat here for once
staring at my screen
receiving nothing but messages
from men about their woman…


I think she’s cheating on me
she lies to me all the time
She had sex with another guy
she said he was better in bed
He probably has a bigger penis than I do
that’s why she wants him
She’s pregnant and I don’t
think I’m the father
We had a great time now she
ignores all my messages
She broke up with me for
no reason
She told me she cuts herself
but never told me why


I love her and would do anything for her
Me: Does she know that?
I told her, she’s my soulmate
I think about her all the time
I can’t get her out of my mind
why couldn’t she tell me?
Me: Perhaps…
I want your honest opinion
Me: Somethings not right in her head
and she’s seeing someone else

Why she is afraid of you?

Because she likes you and is probably thinking…


“You’re going to cheat on me.”

“How many people did you sleep with?”

“What number would I be?”

“You only want me for sex.”

“You don’t care.”

“I don’t want anything serious.”

“You don’t anything serious.”

“I think I feel something, I shouldn’t feel anything.”

“You probably don’t feel anything either.”

“I think I love you, I’m not sure. What is love?”

“You don’t love me, it’s impossible for anyone to love me.”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“You’re trying to force me to know what I want.”

“If I marry you, what if you cheat on me and try to take my money?”

“What if we have no money?”

“What if you want to have kids?”

“What if I cheat on you and take everything?”

“What if someone dies?”

“Is all of this a waste of time?”

Part of me

I think about the day we met in my darkest hour
I don’t question my decision to walk away
but I feel as if I was wrong to do it
like I should be with you and not with him
I never had the insane chemistry
with him as I do with you
but he never hurt me or played me like you did


Then again,
maybe I hurt and played you
I walked away without a explanation
though I gave you one a million times
I made love to you one too many times to make you
think I’d do whatever you want


One day,
I shut down completely on you and showed you
you can’t control me
but you still think you do
I’ll magically come back to you
when things go south like I have


Then again,
you’re not the same person I met years ago
you’ve changed and I realized you’re never coming back
and I’m not either

Make it or Break it?

Laws of attraction? Everyone is different and don’t look for the same thing in their potential lovers. These are my make it/break it things. Don’t take this too seriously, I mean nothing by it. My only intention is to get you thinking about what your make it/break it.




Make it
Some facial hair

Break it
Looks like a pedophile


Make it
Nice short hair

Break it
Long hair


Make it
Nice arms

Break it
I have more muscles than him




Make it
Born a female

Break it
Use to be a man


Make it
Beautiful hair

Break it
Short hair or weird colors


Make it
Nice legs

Break it
Big muscular arms


Both genders


Make it
Are in good shape

Break it


Make it
Can have an interesting conversation with

Break it
Only knows about a few subjects


Make it
A sense of humor

Break it
Dry, boring


Make it
Is also a writer and/or creative type of person

Break it
Has an issue with writers and/or creative people


Make it
Likes to have fun and try new things

Break it
Would rather watch television all day


Make it
Doesn’t smoke, abuse drugs or alcohol

Break it
Smokes, abuses drugs or alcohol


Make it
No kids

Break it

How not to talk to a girl

“Hey, want to have a threesome?”
No, but is your friend single?


“We should hookup sometime.”
Maybe if we were at a bar but we are not…


“Do you spit or swallow?”


“Are you a Lesbian? If you are, can I watch?”
Are you gay? If you are, can I watch? Just kidding. Why on Earth would I want to watch anyone have sex.


“Send me nude pics.”
Of what? I can send you pictures of a dog, cat, cow, or chicken. They’re naked…


“I want you, do you want me? I’m way better for you.”

Walk Away

I could say hello but I’m not interested in small talk
seeing your number makes me want to vomit
seeing your face makes me want to bash it in a million pieces


I could explain why I stopped talking to you out of the blue
but I refuse to be interrogated for something I didn’t do


I could rant on and on about the things you said and did
that no other man, a stable respectful man would do
you want to say it’s part of your culture or religion
if that were true, you give your people a bad name


You don’t listen or take a clue


I told you numerous times
you and I would never work out
I don’t like high heels
I don’t want your hands around my neck
I don’t appreciate the comments about
you having a threesome with my younger sister and I


I would never convert to Islam
or make an effort to learn your language
you forced high heels on my feet like I was
Cinderella and you were Prince Charming
(yeah, right)
you choked me and slapped my face
you showed me a knife and made a joke
about taking my life
I saw less and less of you
you began to stalk my younger sister and
her friends on Facebook
I told you that was the last straw


I told you I didn’t like you as much as you liked me
you proceeded to ask me out
I walked away without answering your requests to see you again
or answering your question, “Do you have someone else?”
I responded, “None of your business.”