Yeah, I know (OF) him

I heard his name
I never spoke his name
I saw his face yet never thought anything of it
Couple years go by, I hear it again
He’s a former drug dealer and addict
that is friends with the former class clown
They never made it out of this town

I friended people
and dated guys that are not from
this place
they were from another country
or town miles away

I ask myself why…

The person for me isn’t a junkie
pervert, liar, scrub, or psychopath
that believes I’d date him because
I said, “Hi.”

The person for me is someone that
does something and doesn’t constantly
accuse me of doing something I am not doing
especially on social media which the people
from my town like to do

I ask myself why people here are like that
I remind myself it’s because they have
nothing better to do
I ask myself if I belong here
I say no
I never have and never will
I’ve been disconnected with this place
my entire life

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Racist names

White soap

White bread

White cake

White sauce

White cheese

 

Black Friday

Black eye

Black list

 

Chinese bread

American bread

Italian bread

French bread

African bread

Russian bread

 

…etc.

 

(I feel sorry for you bread, nobody understands you. Everyone wants to label you.)

 

 

 

For Real

I didn’t want to be a writer or artist…

 

I was taught…

Writers are losers.

Artists are nutcases.

 

In primary/secondary school…

It was not cool to be one of them.

 

 

Dare I read something on the bus or at the library I had… “Nerd,” on my forehead.

Dare I write a story about devils or my crushes name in my notebook, I was a “Freak.”

And then some million other things. Jist of it was — be athletic. You’ll fit right in or maybe they will be scared of you and leave you alone.

So I did that. I joined a team and took up hardcore fitness. Then all of a sudden my new names were, “Weirdo, Freak, Nerd, Pathetic, Fat, Skinny, Anorexic, Bulimic, Ugly, Disgusting, Lame, Loser, and Stupid.”

 

There goes my real dreams of being a Musician or Dancer.

Not to mention, I couldn’t exactly sing or play an instrument. I could dance though. I didn’t attend dance classes as a child. My mother couldn’t afford it. My loser father would always take her paycheck and gamble it all away in a heartbeat.

 

So what about the Writer and Artist?

Everyone now just thinks it’s a dream and I enjoy doing this because that is pretty much all I am doing. But lets be honest, I am doing this because this is now all I an do. Sure I can dance but I live in a small town in the middle of no where. I have zero connections and money to go try to pursue a career in it. I can, however, if I am lucky — teach at a local gym somewhere.

It’s not like I can add, multiple, subtract, and divide numbers — without a calculator. I was never good at Math. In fact, I did Math backwards since Elementary school — I had a teacher that specialized in that help me.

 

For Real…

My dream is, I don’t have a dream. I just want to be happy… isn’t that everyone, normal person wants?  To be happy, love, and get love in return.

 

So why is it so difficult?

Not everyone sees and feels… they think they do.

 

Facebook and Twitter Etiquette For Dummies

Facebook

 

Who to add…

People you actually know or met. There’s no problem adding ‘fans’ or ‘strangers’ if you know they aren’t some psychopath, criminal, or pervert — and you actually talked to them somewhere.

 

Try not to add…

Colleagues, professors, bosses, or co-workers. It is weird for them, and it is weird for you. If you do, do both of you a favor and don’t complain about work, life, or relationships. You have to be ‘professional’.

 

Avoid comments turning into a…

Private message or forum. Then everyone gets to know your business, thoughts, and feelings. That’s not something you want…

 

Status overload…

Selfies, rants, videos, or articles. Although some people like it, not everyone is going to. And yeah, yeah… there’s that whole ‘I don’t care if they like it or not’ — and right you shouldn’t!

…You’re entitled to your thoughts, feelings, and what you put out there. You don’t need to constantly share it with people who may be shallow or just not care.

 

 

Twitter

 

Follow…

Whoever you want.

 

Post…

Whatever you want. But if you’re posting twenty tweets every hour maybe you need to rethink…

 

Don’t post…

Whatever you want. You know you’re reaching more people then Facebook, right? If you start hate talking people, spreading conspiracies, and terror — the government will find you.

 

Telling people to follow you…

They will follow you. It’s okay, it’s fine for business — a lot of people have done it. However, there’s people that become OBSESSED with how many followers they get. It becomes a drug. It can turn a good person into a narcissistic, just like Facebook.

 

 

Facebook and Twitter…

 

This is just words from a persons experience. Everyone is different.

…How obsessed are you with getting likes, comments, tweets, and re-tweets?

What. Why.
Who cares? You shouldn’t care.
They don’t really care.
You know who cares…

College ? Experience ?

Preparing myself for my last semester I am still thinking: Was it worth it? Is it worth it? I’m still unemployed, I’m still miserable, I’m still broke, I’m still the loser I was when I came here, and I still have no life. And those things are still entirely my fault.

 

I am going to be 1,000% honest to you…

Out of high school I barely made it through community college. I was beyond lazy. My laziness turned into academic prohibition. I got kicked out. When I finally came back, I took it seriously. Probably because my method of doing schoolwork was homeschooling myself. Yes, I took all my classes online. It wasn’t easy but I figured it out. Lots of research, advising, and supervising myself because that is all I had. Probably something else I should mention, I wasn’t planning on taking classes online. I had some weird morphed fantasy that this guy I was dating at the time was serious about me moving in with him. It was long distance. So yes, I made sure to apply to a school two hours away — then get dumped a month or so after.

 

It was difficult but I did fine, I mean I got on the Deans list three times. For pretty much having no life. Then I go to a four-year school to get my Bachelors…

 

My Associates of Arts Degree is useless. It was just a sheet of paper that got me to the next place where I would spend a fortunate. I suppose a few good things happened. I did some awesome things and met some people. But was it enough for the cost? Of course not. I spend day by day now thinking how am I supposed to pay this off, how am I supposed to get a job? I’m not marketable or employable. The last many times I put what I was doing or did on my resume nowadays isn’t helping. Like an oh….

You go to school for writing, can I see your work? Do you write short stories? Do you write poems? …What about your catering job? Did you do weddings? ….Fajita Grill. What is a Fajita Grill? That sounds good. I should get me some Fajita Grill.

 

What the fuck? Okay now, I just don’t see the point. I’m probably better off erasing my resume and starting over. Can I create a new name or a business of my own? It would probably be better.

 

Exactly. Maybe that is the point I am not getting. I should do my own business. But how? That’s funny. I can’t do math, have experience, or know anything. But whatever, it’s not about me anymore. It is about creating a life but how….

 

One shit, two shit, three shit…

Four shit. Think.

Don’t think.

It’s not about you.

It’s about them.

Who is ‘them’?

If anyone has to tell you, you are insane.

…More ramblings from an idiot in second person.

Against.

Those who

Spread bullshit

Rumors and lies.

 

Those who

Talk about a person or group behind their back.

No balls to talk to them face to face in person.

 

Those who

Can’t speak, think, or act for themselves.

Need the approval of others.

 

Those who

Purposely indirectly/directly offend us.

Try to play mind games.

 

Those who

Make assumptions.

Don’t care to listen to the person they are judging.

 

Those who

Are more in love with themselves.

Self-promotion comes first.

 

Those who

Make you feel you do not matter.

You are too different to be ‘one of them’.

 

Those who

Don’t care to look at their reflection.

And wonder why someone blowed them off.

 

Those who

Have no problem watching and stalking you online.

Secretly dislike you because what you did, do, didn’t, or don’t do.

 

Those who

Make comments about how you should change.

Ignore you because you won’t, then gossip behind your back.

 

Those who

Hate you because you don’t worship the ground they walk on.

Hate you because you think, act, and speak for yourself.

 

Those who

Think you’re just another idiot running your mouth.

Don’t realize they are the reason you are.

 

Those who

Take what you say or do out of context.

Never stopped to ask you what is going on.

 

Those who

Think it is acceptable to lie, cheat, and steal.

Think it is acceptable to break the law.

 

Those who

Think it is acceptable to cause someone pain.

Think it is acceptable to ignore everything.

 

Those who

Won’t admit when they are wrong.

Continue to pretend they are perfect.

Men men

I am pretty much the only girl at the bowling alley
I hear inappropriate comments about 69, Jews, and Nazis
I want to hurl
I think, “That’s why I hate men.”
I know it’s not
Not all men are like that just the drunk ones and ignorant

(same goes for anyone else)

I thank God for Vodka
And I am some person
Who isn’t racist or sexist
Thank my mother for raising me

What you learn from your Birthday

1. Who your ‘friends’ are.

You been friends with this person for a couple years now. They don’t wish you, Happy Birthday. Instead, they text you details about their life.

 

2. You’re still really immature.

Same person you were a year ago, five years ago, ten years ago, twenty years ago… you never change, just get older. It fucking sucks!

 

3. Another year has passed.

Still not close to your goal/dreams. It’s a ‘slow’ process you must keep going through. It fucking sucks!

 

4. You have ‘friends’ you’re not aware of.

Those people from high school/college you hardly, if ever talked to wishes you, Happy Birthday on Facebook.

 

5. Who really cares vs. Who is phony.

Some people you have dinner/celebrate with… other people send you a text, call you, or send you cheap gifts — so they don’t feel guilty about missing your birthday or play the ‘I did something so you have too’ card.

What Characters names mean

Hello Kitty
Bye You-Shitty

 

Cinderella
Kiss me I’m Bella

 

Batman
Bird man

 

Superman
Steroid man

 

Rapunzel
Rap in hell

 

Bella
Hell yeah

 

Prince Eric
Rich prick

 

Spider-man
Creep on steroids

 

Ariel
Air head

 

Tinkerbell
Ring her bell

 

Peter Pan
Later man

 

Rudolph
Ride me up

 

Easter Bunny
Easy honey

 

Pocahontas
Kiss my ass

 

Tarzan
I ran

 

Bambi
Baby

 

Snow White
Now I ate

I love being called things.

It creates excuses for me!
It shows how ignorant you are
And tells me things about myself
I know aren’t true.
Amusing!

 

Schizophrenic
I wrote a story about ghosts
I ranted on social media

 

Drug addict/alcoholic
I wrote about it
I’m weird and isolated

 

Have ADD
I don’t pay attention
I’m athletic and creative

 

Have an eating disorder
I’m skinny
I workout

 

Have a personality disorder
I’m very quiet in public
I talk more in private

 

Bitch
I talked back
I rolled my eyes

 

Entitled
I’m quiet
I’m reserved

 

Whore
I wore a black dress
I put on a lot of makeup

 

Lazy
I don’t have a job
I don’t excel in school

 

Fat
My jeans are too tight
My boobs look big

 

Anti-social
I generally don’t like people
We don’t have the same interests

 

Stupid
I didn’t say anything
I said the wrong thing

 

Gay
I don’t like most men
Most men don’t like me

 

Homophobic
I don’t like most women
Most women don’t like me