has seizures
in the middle
of the night
he dreams of a girl
he can never have
she is married to
another man
he tries but can’t
find the words
‘you’re pretty’
he can’t say it
to her face
he might explode
and die
unaware she likes
him too



is with someone
old enough
to be her father
he cheats
has no money
sells drugs
and uses her
credit cards
she drove
across the city
with his drugs
in her trunk
got arrested
said to me

“Don’t tell anyone”
it’s public
everyone knows

She lets him
move in with her
complains everyday
about him

I say
“I don’t like him”
she becomes
a defensive and silent
she denies she is
she is sleeping
with someone
twice her age

I think
at last they aren’t
in my presence


I don’t know
who he is
he follows
stares at me
alone or
with his girlfriend
sitting next to him
we haven’t
a single word

People notice
but they don’t say
a single word
it’s ‘not a crime’
and doesn’t matter
he’s presence affects
my mental health

I’ve had a man
with the same
blonde hair
blue eyes
follow me
for years
he left me
after he
sexually abused me
threatened to kill me

He was someone I knew
not a stranger
like this man is

I am forced to be silent
about this issue
among other things

To be continued

She returns

I remember her
her green eyes
her blonde hair
her lips on my lips
her body on mine
the golden bikini
she wore the first time
I saw her dance

I watched her
year after year
closer than
he ever did
every time they fought
she came to me
I told her nothing
of myself
but listened to her
I showed her a knife
and said I’d kill her
if she leaves me for him
she did anyway

I messaged her
year after year
waiting for a response
from her
it never came
until one day she said
“I’m married” to him

I hoped she said
“I’m getting a divorce,
you were right he’s not the one
you were some much better in bed”
she said nothing about us

He returns

He asks me
what do you drive
what do you do
where do you live
when am I going to see you?
I don’t respond
he tells me nothing about him
all I have is images
of fifty shades of gray
in my head
I thought if I wanted that
I would have chose him
but I didn’t

The tree

It’s not fall but the leaves are falling
off the tree in the middle of the field
it’s sunny but cold
it’s the end of June
I’m here
she’s not
she’s looking down upon me
asking me why I never listened
and if I gave up on my promise
I can’t answer her
her spirit is free
I lost mine to the devil

Completing drafts

I don’t
give a fuck


If I write a poem for my boyfriend
it’d be a simple “I love you” note
on a plate of brownies
’cause I know my man
he don’t want no poem
and won’t read it


Why my writing
I spit it out


The love of my life
is Starbucks
coffee frappuccino
with coconut milk


Drive by agent
drives by my house
to see if I’m there
passes by me
on my way to town
makes it look like
he’s doing his job
not stalking me
but he is
he wouldn’t say a word
to me, hasn’t in years
he watches and follows me
when I drive


What I learned from 90s shows
It’s okay to kiss other people if you’re in a relationship, you’re going to marry your boyfriend/girlfriend anyway. -Boy meets world. Television sucks, it gives you dreams and situations that will never happen.


Signs your girlfriend hates you
she ignores you
your nickname is asshole, douchebag, jackass, moron, dumbass, etc
she texts other guys
she is sleeping with other guys or thinking about it
you get pity and drunk sex
she’s bored

Smalle is back

He looks at me
like I haven’t
seen you in forever
you look good
I want to bang you
you want to bang me?

I just keep walking
why don’t you want me?
is it because I blocked and unblocked you?
you were cheating on me
you thought I was doing something
is it because I sucked in bed?
you liked it

Yeah, I wanted you
but it never would have gotten anywhere
I didn’t love you like I loved him

You could have

Some things aren’t meant to be
I know but why do I still want you?
tell me, do you still want me too?

Sexually, we’ve always had a strong attraction
but I cannot
why not?
it’s playing with fire

My dear

You’re funny
you’re cute
you’ve a job
that’s cool

I can’t be with you
I’m older and more arrogant
than you

I don’t know how much experience
you have but I think I have more
I have a list of things I’ve done
and know what I’m capable of

I will use you like I’ve used the rest
keep you as an option in case
it doesn’t work with someone else
hook up with you once or a couple of times
kick you to the curb and get back with someone else

Nothing you say or do will
change me
break me
convince me
phase me

I don’t care about you
I don’t even care about myself
there’s only a few people I care about enough
to make some sort of an effort not to resort back to old self
some old teachers remind me
I’m only human

Why I’m letting this expire

It’s time to move on.
I don’t see the point in writing randomly like I have been. Besides a small audience and some likes, I don’t gain that much of it. None of you know who I am (though you’ve read about it), I get zero profit for it and little recognition. I went in knowing all this and not expecting anything in return. Now I have to think more about how I manage my free time, spend my money, and what other goals I have in life that don’t involve survival or money. I would like to sell some of my work and write the novel I told my mother I was going to write when she was nearly dying of cancer last year (she’s no longer in remission so it’s possible the nightmare will start over). It forces me to think about everything in my life. I go on the defense and survival mode (if you don’t know what that means don’t read this nor talk to me — I think you’re an idiot and don’t care if you think I’m a bitch).


What will become of this?

I could pay for it to be renewed but I’m not going too. I could give it a new name but I don’t want too. I could create a new one with a specific/tighter focus but I don’t have the time for it. This is not a good time for me to manage a website. Anything you would get from me in writing would be more nonsense or things you don’t follow or relate too.


I’m sorry but not so sorry that this isn’t a funny or positive post. The truth is, I’m just done. It’s nothing you or anyone did. I can’t stay with this website or blog forever. I’ve outgrown it. Thank you all for watching the madness.


Note: The first category on this website was called, “C’est la vie”