S is

a letter
I use to sign off on
instead of my real first name
to make myself more secretive
than I actually am

It’s the first letter of
Scorpio
Snake
Scarlet
or the Gossip Girl character
Serena
an inside joke at work
I’m the indecisive
free spirited
golden girl
everyone wants but can’t have
though I’m not rich
and know I’m not worth anything
I’m a mysterious piece of work
sexy if I want to be
strong because I have to be
slay because I trust no one
anything but a weak sheep

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She punched

kicked
ran
stopped
breathed
repeat

she didn’t
think for
a second
about anything

she
followed
the
rhythm
became
the light

people tried
to talk
to her
with their

problems
worries
complaints
opinions

She couldn’t
be found

Your work

is boring
you used to be funny
what the hell happened?
Now we don’t hear
from you for months
and it’s the same
blah prose shit
about some guy and girl
there’s no more
dialogue
making fun of names
if we wanted to
be bored as shit
we’d read Shakespeare
or listen to Taylor Swift
bitch

Old flame

“Kiss me,” he said.
I did and felt nothing.
It was like kissing a statue.
It’d be better if it was a statue.
The statue wouldn’t chase me forever.

He took my clothes off.
I did it without feeling a thing.
I thought ‘what the hell am I doing?’
I stopped in the middle of it.
I said I was burning though I wasn’t.
He believed me.

He asked me, “Would you have married me if I asked you too?”
I said, “Probably not. I don’t think I was ready for marriage.”
I made an excuse to leave and left.

Boy

has seizures
in the middle
of the night
he dreams of a girl
he can never have
she is married to
another man
he tries but can’t
find the words
besides
‘you’re pretty’
he can’t say it
to her face
he might explode
and die
unaware she likes
him too

Stranger

I don’t know
who he is
he follows
stares at me
alone or
with his girlfriend
sitting next to him
we haven’t
exchanged
a single word

People notice
but they don’t say
a single word
it’s ‘not a crime’
and doesn’t matter
he’s presence affects
my mental health

I’ve had a man
with the same
blonde hair
blue eyes
follow me
for years
he left me
traumatized
after he
sexually abused me
threatened to kill me

He was someone I knew
personally
not a stranger
like this man is

I am forced to be silent
about this issue
among other things

To be continued

She returns

I remember her
her green eyes
her blonde hair
her lips on my lips
her body on mine
the golden bikini
she wore the first time
I saw her dance

I watched her
year after year
closer than
he ever did
every time they fought
she came to me
I told her nothing
of myself
but listened to her
I showed her a knife
and said I’d kill her
if she leaves me for him
she did anyway

I messaged her
year after year
waiting for a response
from her
it never came
until one day she said
“I’m married” to him

I hoped she said
“I’m getting a divorce,
you were right he’s not the one
you were some much better in bed”
she said nothing about us

He returns

He asks me
what do you drive
what do you do
where do you live
when am I going to see you?
I don’t respond
he tells me nothing about him
all I have is images
of fifty shades of gray
in my head
I thought if I wanted that
I would have chose him
but I didn’t

The tree

It’s not fall but the leaves are falling
off the tree in the middle of the field
it’s sunny but cold
it’s the end of June
I’m here
she’s not
she’s looking down upon me
asking me why I never listened
and if I gave up on my promise
I can’t answer her
her spirit is free
I lost mine to the devil